Whether your child is more vocal and readily expresses his/her feelings, or chooses to be a little more reserved about the news of a divorce, it’s up to you to make sure the huge adjustment of parental separation is as comfortable as possible for your kids. Divorce is never easy, and your children need to know that you are providing a healthy outlet for them to express their feelings about this huge change in the family. Here are a few suggestions that will help:

Keep the relationship between you and your ex as friendly as possible.

No matter how old your children may be at the time of your divorce, they’ll never want to hear their parents yelling at each other or hear them say hurtful things to or about one another. Try your best to be as civil as you possibly can during the divorce, especially in front of your children. Be sure that you and your spouse tell your children about your decision to divorce together, so that it will be obvious that it’s a mutual decision, and the children are not to blame. Make sure that you explain to your children that they still have two parents, and that you both love them very much. But, more importantly, show them that you mean what you say by keeping the arguments to a minimum.

Help your children to maintain a connection with both parents.

It’s very important that your kids understand that they are still very welcome in both of your homes, even if one parent has primary custody. If your children are moving with their mother, make sure that you take them to your new place as soon as you can so that they will continue to feel comfortable with you, and vice versa. And, don’t try to keep your children away from the other parent—remember, the divorce has nothing to do with your children, even though kids tend to automatically think they could have done something to stop it. As a parent, it’s your job to show your children that divorce is never their fault If it’s one parent’s weekend to visit with the children, make sure that this schedule is adhered to as much as possible. It may take a while for your kids to get used to living in two different homes, and the more willing you are to ‘share’ your children with the other parent, the more comfortable they’ll be.