The Facts

Statistics show four out of five middle school students admitted to having bullied someone. (Pagewise, Inc., 2003) It’s important to teach your child what to do when confronted by a bully. Some tactics may not work on all bullies, but it’s better to be armed than to be defenseless.

Why Bullies Act the Way They Do

Bullies often act aggressively because they are unhappy or confused. They may be shy and use bullying as a tactic to get attention. Bullies usually have a lot going on that we do not know about. There may be social or emotional causes that make them act out, they may have a bad relationship with family members, or something else may be going on in their life that they are not dealing with properly. Taking their aggression out on others is often a way to act out the aggression they have toward the situation or person in their life that is the main problem. That in no way makes bullying right. Many times nothing your child says or does instigates the bully’s actions. A certain type of personality or a child that looks a certain way does not always bring on the bully’s attention. At times, a child is just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I remember an instance as a child when I was standing in line at the water fountain. I was sick a lot and I had to go to the doctor at least twice that week to have more tests run to find out what was wrong. I had a lot of friends in school and they all wanted to know why was I going to the doctor, what was wrong with me – the kind of questions kids ask – each one seeming more and more like an interrogation. One too many children asked the same question and instead of answering – and not knowing what else to do – I remember pushing the child in front of me, just so I could hurry and get a drink, get out of line and away from all the questions. I was normally a quiet, friendly person and had never acted out in front of anyone or had any bullying tendencies – but here I was pushing someone at the water fountain and the teacher came over, told me to hurry and get a drink and come with her – and there I was, in trouble for the first time in my life – but I’d gotten away from all the questioning children. The child in front of me had done nothing to me – had even been concerned about me – but had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and had received the brunt of my bullying.

There is no good excuse for the way bullies act. No one deserves to be bullied – no matter what your child feels they’ve done to cause it. It’s important your child know that he or she is not alone. According to Michele Borba, Ed. D. in “What to do if Your Child is Bullied”, one out of seven kids is bullied. It’s a sad fact, but children are bullied everyday in some way or fashion.