I just can’t seem to admit that other women are attractive. Whether they are
on TV, the web, or in magazines, I just refuse to say, “Oh, yeah, she’s cute.”
I can’t stand it! I am so jealous, envious, that I can’t even confess that,
yes, I do believe another woman is pretty. In fact, I am a professional at
avoiding it. If my fiancé admits that another woman is attractive, which he
rarely does, I can feel my blood beginning to boil. I hate that feeling, but I
can’t stop it. I am an expert at analyzing and judging women physically, and
finding things that I believe are wrong with them. Pam Anderson has hepatitis
C, and thousands of dollars of plastic surgery. Men’s magazines are intensely
airbrushed. Jessica Simpson’s nose is too narrow; lips are too thin, etc. My
fiancé also admitted that he liked a certain type of women. I can’t stand
looking at them now, even though their features are a lot like my own. He
confessed once that a neighbor was cute, and I can’t stand the fact that they
talk to each other.
I am Not Alone
I know there are many other women who feel the same way I do, but I hate
feeling this way. He should be able to say another woman is attractive and I
should be comfortable with that. It should be okay. I know he loves me, and am
secure enough to know that he would never cheat on me. In fact, I trust him
fully. I know he finds me extremely attractive, he comments on it all the time.
So, how did I become so insecure? Where has my self-esteem gone? I don’t feel
that I am ugly, and am relatively comfortable in my own skin. I know as a child
I had great self-esteem. I can remember losing my self-esteem before I hit my
teen years. But why haven’t I regained it as an adult? Is the media to blame?
Is the plastic surgery industry at fault? Is it celebrities, models, or men
themselves? Maybe the women’s movement is to blame.