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How To Cope With Toilet Problems 
 
by Stephen Carthy August 30, 2005

This is not kids play:

No, this is not yet another one of those articles about how to toilet train your kid. This is the nitty-gritty on what to do when your toilet acts, well, let’s say, crappy.

Clogs aren’t just shoes:

It was a UFO – you know, an Unidentified Floating Object. Now it is morphed into a different kind of UFO – an Unidentified Flushed Object. And it has clogged up the toilet. Water, and unmentionable stuff, everywhere, except where it’s supposed to go – down the toilet drain. What to do, what to do?

After mopping up, the first thing to try is the suction cup plunger. No home is complete without one. Push the plunger into the bottom of the bowl and stand directly over the handle so that you can exert maximum force. With hard, quick strokes work the plunger up and down. Do not lift the plunger off the bottom of the bowl as you plunge. Give the thing about fifty good shots. I like to call this plungy-jumping. Try flushing again. If it’s clean up time again you’ll have to resort to more drastic measures.

Coming out with the closet:

Ok, so the plunger thing didn’t work. Now its time to try what is called a closet auger. Not only is it good for unclogging closets, you can use it for the toilet! No, it doesn’t really work on closets, but it does on toilets. If you don’t have one you can rent them at some rental stores. If you have lots of problems with your toilet, it might be worth buying your own. A bent-out section of coat hanger, with a hook on the end, may do the same trick if you can’t get your hands on a closet auger. Regardless, here’s what you do:

 You’ll need a large wastebasket that doesn’t leak, or a 5 gallon pail, a large plastic garbage bag, something to bail the water out of the toilet with, a plunger and a piece of string about two feet long. Of course, you also need the closet auger.

  1. Put the bucket, or wastebasket, and your bailing can close to the bowl. Use the garbage bag to cover your arm and tie it, with the string, just above your elbow. Now, the phone will ring! If not you can be sure it will before you’re done with this mess. Post a look-out, or turn the answering machine.
  2. Bail water and stuff from the bowl into the garbage can, or pail.
  3. Push the closet auger down through the bottom of the bowl and into the toilet trap. Then, crank the auger until it catches the gunk that is causing the blockage. When you have snagged something, pull it out. Do not try to force the clog down into the pipe, pull it out.
  4. Flush. If the toilet still doesn’t seem to flow at the usual rate, use the plunger as directed earlier. If it still doesn’t work right, repeat the closet auger procedure.
  5. Do not pour chemical drain cleaner into the toilet bowl!

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