Martha is a fifty something year old woman who grew up in a home with an
abusive, alcoholic father. The father hated his daughter, but he even abused
his sons whom he claimed to love. His cycle of abuse was predictable. The girls
would prepare his meal then he would retire to the living room with his bottle
of scotch. When he was drunk the verbal and physical abuse would start. Aside
from the abuse, the family lived in poverty, was isolated from anyone who could
find out what the home was like.
Martha made a vow that she would not live this way. She married at seventeen
and began her family. She was successful in business, but was starved for love
and intimacy. Whenever she would get into friendships she seemed to find the
alcoholic or drug addict to rescue. She would pour love on the people she
thought needed rescuing, only to time and time again be left hurting.
Defined
1. Co-dependency can be described as a dysfunctional pattern of living in
which one overreacts to things going on outside of oneself and under reacts to
what is going on inside. It involves compulsive behaviors and dependence upon
approval from others in order to achieve a sense of safety, identity and
self-esteem.
2. Is a psychological condition in which someone exhibits too much, and
often inappropriate, caring for other people's struggles.
Characteristics
An exaggerated sense of
responsibility for the actions of others.
A tendency to confuse love
and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue.
A tendency to do more than
their share, all of the time.
A tendency to become hurt
when people don’t recognize their efforts.
An unhealthy dependence on
relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a
relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment.