"Errr, son? I think it's time we discussed, uhhh...(cough)... sex. There comes a time in every man's life when, ehhh ..." Sound familiar? Maybe that's how your parents talked to you about sex. Or maybe it sounds like you, talking to your own kids. Discussing sex with kids is never easy, but following a few simple guidelines can make it less painful.
Sex: it comes as naturally to us as breathing or sleeping. We do it on a regular basis (well, some people do – and those who don’t, wish they did). And it’s an important part of life. So why do we have so much trouble talking about it – especially with our kids?
The simple answer is embarrassment and awkwardness. Perhaps it’s a carryover from the rigidity of the Victorian era. It’s rather ironic in this day and age, though, since popular culture is saturated with sexuality; it’s splashed across billboards, glossily portrayed in magazine photos, and a prominent topic on our favorite television shows. Even one-time “good girl” singers – and former Mouseketeers – Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, have become brazenly sexual since the onset of their careers (much to the chagrin of the parents of their preteen fans). And that’s exactly why it has become so important to discuss sex with our kids at increasingly early ages – because no matter how we try to shield them from the overtly sexual nature of modern American culture, even very young children are bound to absorb some of it.
But how do we go about approaching such a delicate – and admittedly uncomfortable – subject with kids? Thrusting a book at them may provide them with the fundamental information, but allows little room for open discussion. A basic and perfunctory explanation (quick and painless: like pulling off a Band-Aid) might be more comfortable for you, but can leave your kids scratching their heads in confusion – and can exclude many important aspects of sexuality. And although a comprehensive one-on-one discussion seems ideal, somehow it just isn’t as effective when awkwardly punctuated with coughs, throat-clearing, and lengthy pauses.
Much hype surrounds “The Talk.” In reality, though having a sit-down with your kids is great, teaching them about sex doesn’t have to be done in one cram-it-all-together session. It should be a process that occurs over time, questions answered as your child asks them in order to satisfy his or her natural curiosity. The goal is for your child to be as comfortable talking to you about sex as they would be about homework or other seemingly mundane topics. However, you have to be comfortable with the topic before your child will be.