Has it been a while since your friends have stopped by your house for a visit? Has it been even longer since they’ve asked you to visit them? If the answer is yes, look at your child and then look at yourself. Chances are your child is a brat and you were the one who made him that way. The simple fact of the matter is that children learn by watching their parents. Is it time for you to be reminded of some common courtesies that will get you and your child back in your friends’ good graces?

“Please” and “Thank You”

Our children learn their social skills from us. Being a parent, I watch other parents and how they interact with their children. Very rarely do I see a parent prompt their child to say “Please” or “Thank you” and even less often do I see parents saying “Please” and “Thank you” to their own children. “Please” and “Thank you” are the first steps to appropriate social behavior for a child. If a child walks into somebody else’s house and says “I want some water,” they are going to get a much different response than the child who says: “May I have some water, please?”

So how do you teach a child to say “Please” and “Thank you”? Yelling at them when they don’t say it will only embarrass them, make them respond negatively and possibly cause them to act out. Now, I’m not advocating a complete lack of discipline here. That certainly won’t work either! The best way to teach your child to say “Please” and “Thank you” is to say it to them at every opportunity. Always remember that your child looks to you for all of their cues. If you do something, they will want to do it as well. So if you use “Please” and “Thank you,” they will too. If there are times when your child forgets to use one of these phrases, some gentle prompting should help them to remember. If little Bobby blurts out to Mrs. Jones that he wants some water, simply tell little Bobby that the proper way to get something is to ask nicely and say please. Then prompt him to try it again. When he says something to the effect of “May I have some water, please?” then you should praise him gently for a job well done and remind him to say “Thank you” once he’s received his water. (Of course, when Mrs. Jones asked you if you’d like something to drink and you simply said “yeah” then never said “Thank you” when your beverage arrived, chances are your child will never get the gist of “Please” and “Thank you” and you should pretty much plan on spending the next few years at home.) It isn’t that children aren’t as intelligent as we are – they are – they’re just smaller and less experienced.