Making friends isn’t hard, but sometimes keeping them is a different story. It’s easy to assume that once you’ve achieved friendship status, you’re solid: you can let a few things slide without jeopardizing your tight twosome. But like any significant relationship (or similarly, houseplants), these require time, effort, and attention. As with anything you undertake, you’ll get out what you put in. We all know plenty of do’s – listening to rants and raves, drying tears, and offering comfort in the form of cookies, for example – but we aren’t always aware of the don’ts. These are things that we may not even realize we’re doing; little but powerful things that can cause lasting damage to a relationship. So what are these subtle, yet potentially fatal friendship flaws?

Unreliability

This friendship faux pas can range from mildly irritating to downright infuriating: showing up extremely late when you’re meeting somewhere, forgetting to call when you swore you would, flaking out on an important event. You don’t have to, say, miss her wedding to be considered unreliable – even a few small slipups will stack up against you. When you’re being unreliable, you’re being selfish, and making your friend feel as though she isn’t a priority on your list. If you think you have a truly legitimate reason for not being able to keep plans, don’t make them in the first place. Dependability is one of the most important aspects of a friendly relationship. We’ve all heard the old adage, “If you can’t count on your friends, who can you count on?” This is a tried-and-true phrase for good reason.

Rivalry

She gets a new promotion, and instead of being genuinely happy and celebrating with her, the green-eyed monster has you seething inside. She diets hardcore to lose fifteen pounds and you send her a congratulatory economy-sized box of her favorite chocolates. Perhaps she has an enviable life, and you’re jealous, which is perfectly natural to some degree. “I wish I had that,” is acceptable ... “I wish she didn’t have that,” isn’t. There can be a fine line between being inspired by your friend’s successes and being resentful of them. Along the same lines, if it’s your success, you’re certainly allowed to share your excitement with your friend; she’ll be happy for you. But don’t gloat! Too much bragging and self-promotion is a surefire way to lose her enthusiasm, and fast. Don’t let your important life events overshadow hers.