Americans are living longer than ever before. As a result, many men and women are postponing having children until their late 20’s, 30’s, and even 40’s. At the same time, the parents of these men and women are growing older and becoming more dependent on their children for help. In many cases, these men and women are stuck between raising very young children and taking care of their aging parents in the same house. This phenomenon has been called the “sandwich generation.” So, if you are stuck in between young children and older parents, how do you accommodate both in the same home? The first thing you need to do is draw up a plan considering everyone in your household. The plan needs to be based on what could happen, not necessarily what is happening. Below are some items to consider as you draw up your plan.
Space (Does Everyone Have Enough?)
If you are among the families that own a two story house with a bedroom on the lower floor, consider yourself lucky. If your house also has a bathroom adjacent or at least close to that downstairs bedroom, consider yourself very fortunate. The older parents can stay on the first floor where they have access to their own bathroom and the kitchen. If you don’t happen to have such a house, then you’re going to have to improvise.
The first thing you need to remember is that the older the people get, the more the noise will bother them. Ironically, even if they are going deaf, noise still seems to bother them until they go completely deaf. On the flip side of the coin, since they are often losing their hearing, they will need to turn the TV or the radio almost to full capacity so that they can hear it. Unlike your children, many older folks will be reluctant to wear headphones.
Also remember when planning their space, older people don’t often have the same routine as you or your children have. Usually, they sleep on and off during the day and night, rarely for 8 hours in a row. Many times, even if they are on bladder medication, they will frequently need to get up during the night to go to the bathroom. If you have a newborn or are expecting one, you also need to consider the baby’s nightly schedule. If you are like most of us, you will be up often with the baby for feedings, diaper changes, or illnesses.
Now, not all children or older people have the same challenges, but when you are making your plan, you need to think about all these things. Many times when a parent first moves in, they are much more independent than they are even five years later. It is much better to plan for problems than to encounter them after you have everyone in a room and all the furniture moved. Ideally, you want to try to put as much space between the children and the older parents as possible. If you have to have them side by side, then consider simple things that may help.
For example, put your parent’s TV or radio on the opposite wall from your children’s room. Save those noisy bell and whistle toys for the playroom or outdoors. Talk to your children about the difference between outdoor and indoor voices. You may even get your parents to promise they will not turn on the TV in their room after a certain time, so it will not wake up your kids, or perhaps they will consent to wear cordless headphones after a certain hour.