Marriage relationships can be complicated enough without outside influences. If you are constantly hearing criticism and receiving unwanted advice from other family members like your in-laws then you are sure to have some disagreements arise. Developing a good relationship with your in-laws doesn’t have to be difficult. As a couple you should set boundaries and decide ahead of time how involved you will let your parents be in your lives and your relationship.
We all have heard horror stories about mother in laws who meddle in the lives of their children. When two people get married they are typically “crazy in love” and so caught up in the moment that they don’t think about the extended family. Relationships get complicated enough without the added burden of other family members and their opinions. Hollywood has cashed in on all of these relationship conflicts involving in-laws and meshing together two different people from totally opposite backgrounds.
For instance there is “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” which effectively portrays the trials and conflicts that can arise between two people coming from totally different backgrounds. Then you have “The In-Laws” which puts a comical spin on the stresses of marriage life and dealing with meddling parents. When two people come from different backgrounds there is sure to be an adjustment period, but how do you handle adjusting to your spouse’s family.
Coming from different backgrounds and having different philosophies can definitely add stress and complications to your marriage relationship. If you tack on having to deal with the opinions of other family members especially the in-laws then you have got a whole new set of obstacles.
Many people tend to have misconceptions about in-laws and relationships. There are many myths that are believed to be true when it comes to marriage and dealing with the in-laws. Some common myths about marriage and “the in-laws” are:
Myth: My relationship with my in-laws will not change after we are married.
Reality: This could not be further from the truth; family members tend to act different toward a girlfriend/boyfriend than they do toward a spouse. Once you are part of the family you are fair game. When you are an outsider they are typically on their “best behavior,” but as soon as you are initiated into the family they can their guard down and the whole attitude changes.
Myth: Even though I am not fond of my in-laws now, my feelings will change once we are married.
Reality: Hello, I don’t think so! If you don’t like the parents when you are dating, then it certainly is not going to change with marriage. The only thing you can do is try to change your attitude. You will have to make an effort to develop a relationship with your in-laws and it might be more difficult once you are forced to spend more time with them. Making a serious attempt to look at the positives will help tremendously.
Myth: After the wedding, we will be free of all of our parent’s control.
Reality: Although we may think marriage is supposed to be when we “leave the nest” or “cut the apron strings” this is not always the case. Sometimes it is extremely hard for parents to let go. You can expect advice from both sets of parents whether you want it or not, especially in the first few years of marriage. Such advice may cause unwanted conflicts with your relationship, so set boundaries early and try to make decisions as couple without added influence.
Now that we have had a “reality check” about in-law relationship misconceptions, lets discuss ways we can build a healthy relationship with our partner’s family.