While having great sex isn’t the only thing that keeps a relationship blooming, it does fall into the top ten list. We are all sexual beings, and crave the touch of the person we love from time to time – some more often than others. But after a few years of being in a relationship, intimacy can fall by the wayside because of other responsibilities that go along with companionship – children, careers, family activities, etc.

Or, maybe you have a very healthy sex life, but it involves the same thing over and over again. That doesn’t mean that the sexual relationship is boring; rather, it means that every monogamous connection can use a dose of the new and exciting from time to time.

A decreasing sex life or lackluster intimate relationship can be the current situation for many; but, it doesn’t have to be. With some effort on your part, you can draw in the reigns and heighten your sexual experience without trying anything that makes you uncomfortable. Just pay attention to your five senses.

The five senses explained.

From the day we are conceived until the day we die, we have amazing sensory organs working for us. They allow us to enjoy wonderful foods, hear remarkable sounds, see the beauty of life around us, feel our environment and smell enticing scents that change our attitude. Our senses also alert us to dangerous situations; so, they not only offer the gift of pleasure, but protect us as well.

Each of these five senses all work together to make a picture of our surroundings – and help us decide what to do next. They can alert us not to take a bite of that terrible dish sitting on our dinner plate, or make us want to jump in the cool, blue, pristine waters before our eyes. It can be easy to take them for granted in most situations since we have become so used to having them around; but take one away and we have to learn how to get by in the world without them. Not an easy task when you are used to relying on your senses to do the work for you.

So, rather than acting blasé about our sensory organs - we should pay attention to the wonderment of each sense. They really do their job, and without them we would be like Picasso without a canvas, Pavarotti without a voice or Emeril without a stove.

The five senses and sex.

Just as our five senses help create our mood in every day life, they also play a key role in our intimate relationships. While everyone has a different “turn on” trigger, all of us use one or more of our sensory organs to reach the point of desire.

• Sight. Does the sight of your man’s shoulders make you shudder with joy? Men, if you see your wife in cut off shorts while she bends to and fro cleaning the house, do you get a tantalizing feeling in the pit of your stomach? Probably so. From the time you meet a person, you are utilizing your sight to figure out if you are attracted to him/her. As said before, we all have different opinions about what is attractive or not, as well as different body parts that we enjoy. Both women and men love looking at the eyes, mouth, chest, shoulders, derrières and legs of those who catch their eyes. Other attractive qualities include smiles, the way a person’s hair falls in his/her face, the curves of each person’s body and the symmetry of their face. Whatever sight you enjoy most from the opposite (or same) sex, is your prerogative, but when picking a mate, physical features do matter.

• Sound. The giggling of a woman, the deep, whiskey voice of a man, the humming of a housewife – all of these sounds can make a heart race and a body want to experience more. Sound is a very important sense, especially when dealing with intimacy. Men and women have their own sounds – whispering sweet nothings, talking authoritatively, laughing with pleasure, moaning – and those sounds are a cue for the other person to know that they are providing pleasure (or not). Knowing this causes the pleasure provider to also receive pleasure – a win-win situation for both parties involved.

• Smell. The scent of a good cologne can go a long way. Or, that perfume she wore when you first started dating can rev the engine a little faster. Some even like the smell of a man or woman who has been working outside all day – musky and sweat-drenched. The smell of another human can be intoxicating, and God intended for us to enjoy the scent of one another – women’s pheromones are actually a cue for procreation. We have different smells on different days, depending on what we are doing and, for women, where we are in our cycle. This alone can be enough to crave intimacy; but pair it with sight, sound, touch and/or taste, and there may be a quick departure to the bedroom.

• Touch. Touch is one of the most exciting senses we have. Feeling the softness of one’s skin, touching the firmness of shoulder blades or a back, feeling the curvy, solid area of a hip bone – all a mesmerizing motion one can’t get enough of. And to be touched – our skin has thousands of nerve endings that beg to be touched, tickled and massaged. While our hands do most of the touching, other body parts can take their place too. Our bodies have several erogenous zones that savor every swipe of a finger, kiss of a mouth or tickle from the hair on your lover’s head. Touch allows you to give and receive pleasure all at once.

• Taste. We all have different tastes, literally and figuratively. But, we aren’t talking about clothes or home décor - we are talking about sweet, salt, bitter and sour (the fifth recognized taste, umami, is primarily the taste of different amino acids, which is not present when regarding taste in a sexual manner). Our ability to taste allows us to protect ourselves from poison, as well as delight in delicacies put before us. Taste also relies on smell – without smell, taste just isn’t the same (try holding your nose and telling the different taste between various foods and beverages - not the same, is it?). And just as we all have different smells at different times; our body also tastes different depending on the time of day, our activities and its unique chemical make up. Running your tongue down the neck of your lover may taste salty-sweet, while doing the same thing in the inner thigh may produce a completely different taste. It’s all about your lover’s body, and your tastebuds – something to relish in time and time again.

Using your five senses to heighten your sexual pleasure.

Each sensory organ produces a range of sexual desires alone or all together; but we may be overlooking their very essence when being intimate. Don’t misunderstand – they are there, ever present, in our sexual relationship, but we may become so used to them that we forget about the very senses that make us want to be intimate in the first place.

So, the next time your mate and you have an hour or two to spare and are ready and willing to spend it in the bedroom, set the scene for sensory overload by following a few tips:

Sight

• Set the stage for intimacy. Layer candles all over the room for a nice glow, use the sheets you love to look at and wear something that says “I’m sexy, and I am waiting for you.” This will put you in the mood for love, and your mate will know that this is an evening all about each other.

• Once your mate and you have entered the room, don’t go straight to touching or kissing. Instead, take turns looking at each other. Tell your mate the features you love about him/her – the shade of his/her eyes, the curve of her hipbone, the long graceful neck – fully appreciate the sight set out before you.

• Have your mate disrobe garments one by one, pausing after each one comes off. Take in the color of the skin, the curve and shape and the qualities that force your eyes to each place. Imagine what other things you would like to do than just looking.

• Once disrobed, take turns surveying each other’s entire body – remember, this isn’t a time to be self-conscious – your mate loves you for you, and appreciates your mind, body and soul. Softly tell him/her what you see, what you love about it, and what you plan on doing to really enjoy him/her. Look at the way your mate’s body joins together – how the hips flow into the thighs and legs, how the arms saunter down from the shoulders, how the neck connects to the curve of the back. This body before you is truly a masterpiece, and this is the time to let them understand that.

• Take it another step. Stand in front of a mirror and point out the beautiful qualities that your mate’s body has. Let them see it through your eyes while looking themselves. This not only turns up the excitement, but can help others see the beauty that they possess.

Smell

• After spending some time surveying each other’s body with sight, it is time to introduce smell. Get as close as you can to the nape of your lover’s neck without touching and take a deep breath through your nose. Describe how they smell – musky, sweet, salty – and tell them why you like it. Does it remind you of your first sexual experience with your partner or the time you had that weekend getaway?

• Position your nose right above your lover’s hair; savor it and again, describe what the smell means to you.

• Now, follow the curves of your mate with your nose, trying hard not to introduce touch. Note the different smells of his/her body as you survey it with your nose a few times. Tell them which parts hold the favorite smells and why. Then switch places, allowing your mate to do the same exercise with you.

Touch

• Once you can no longer stand it, it is time to introduce touch. Start with your nose – survey your lover’s body again as you did with smelling, but this time add the light pressure of your nose along those curves. This will tickle your nose while allowing you to smell the scents even stronger.

• Then, take your hands and starting from the top of the head, work your way down, touching, tickling and massaging each body part. Tell them why you love the way it feels, and ask them to describe which of your touches is best for them. Hit your partner’s erogenous zones – the obvious regions and the less conspicuous areas that your mate enjoys.

• Have your lover tell you where to touch, and how to touch. It may be a light tickle on the back, or a finger grazing on the inner thigh – wherever it may be, do exactly as they say. Have them tell you how it feels and what they are thinking about when you are doing it.

• Your turn. Have your partner switch roles and you are now the guide.

• Then, together, touch the places on each other’s bodies that you both like. Explore like it was the first time you were introduced to their physique.

Taste

• While still touching, begin kissing. Start slow, kissing each other lips lightly, nibbling on the top or bottom lip, sucking slightly. Then open your lips so your partner can probe his/her tongue inside your mouth. Take turns.

• While kissing, make a mental note of how your partner tastes – when you pause from kissing tell them what it was like for you.

• While taking turns, begin running your tongue over your lover’s erogenous zones. How do they taste to you? How does it feel on your tongue? Explain it to your mate.

• While tasting your lover, use different tongue techniques. First, just use the tip of your tongue to taste, and then introduce your entire tongue. Does it offer a different taste? How? Explain to your lover.

Sound

• During this intimate moment, you have been using sound all along – speaking to your lover in different tones and moans of pleasure when being smelled, touched and tasted have escaped your mouth. One thing to consider when engaging in this exercise is the amount of environmental or artificial noise you want to introduce. If this is your first experience with focusing on the five senses, it is best that the only audible noises be your lover and you. As you experience this sort of intimacy more, you may be interested in playing music that entices, or noise making machines.

• Pay particular attention to the different sounds your lover makes. They can easily tell you which of your actions are quite pleasurable. When you hear that moan or sound that escapes your lover’s lips when you are visiting a pleasure zone, do it more. If there is a hesitation or uncomfortable sound muttered from your partner, you may not want to pursue that action any longer.

• When your lover makes sounds that utterly drive you crazy, let them know. Tell them which ones are your favorites, what they mean to you and how it makes you feel.

• Talk to your mate when being intimate. Start with whispers, and become as loud or soft as you want to be. Tell them how beautiful they are, what you plan on doing to them, and how you would like them to reciprocate. They will, in turn, let you know if it makes them uncomfortable or heightens their pleasure by their sounds and body language.

Was it good for you?

After engaging in this sexual experiment, you may find that time flew by. That means two things - before focusing on your senses you weren’t allowing yourself to truly reach the pleasure potential you have inside of you; and that you enjoyed participating in this exercise so much that it made time stand still for just the two of you.

Be sure to discuss with your partner how utilizing sight, smell, sound, taste and touch made you feel when being intimate. Was it good for them? Was it good for you? What did you like about it? What would you do differently? Are there any other ways that you can use your sensory organs to heighten your sexual relationship? This is a great way to re-connect with each other sexually. Decide if you would be willing to do it again – but watch out – it can be addictive!

Again, our sex life is only one factor in our overall relationship; but, when it is at its best, more times than not, so are you. Intimacy should be affection, pleasure and love all rolled into one - rather than just one or the other - and everyone deserves to experience the joy of a heightened sexual experience with their one true blue.