Your friend is getting married. She’s thrilled. You’re thrilled for her. And she’s asked you to be a bridesmaid. It’s a happy occasion. Keep reminding yourself of that. When she’s freaking out about the cake, say it: It’s a happy occasion. When she picks out a dress that makes you look like a sick seal, say it: It’s a happy occasion.

You’ve agreed to be a bridesmaid, so it’s your job to help the bride. Sure, a year of planning may seem like a long time to be focused on your friend. And it is a long time. But, you knew this when you agreed to be a bridesmaid. So, don’t let her down. Follow these rules to being a good bridesmaid, and you might remain friends after the wedding.

Remember, it’s an honor

Be proud of yourself that you're a good enough friend to rate. Maybe you were there the first night they met. Maybe you were there the moment they fell in love. Maybe you morally supported them throughout their courtship. Maybe you're the best high school friend, the sister, the sister-in-law-to-be, or the best college friend. Maybe they just don’t have many friends and you got the position by default. Whatever the case, you're one of their closest friends and for that you should be proud.

Don’t be the bad bridesmaid

Try very hard not to be the worst of the group. Brides remember bad behavior and nothing is worse than going down in wedding lore as the person who ruined the wedding. So, put on a happy face, be agreeable, and try to help out.

If you want to know, after the fact, if you were the worst bridesmaid, here’s how you can tell. Were you asked to stand at the end of the wedding party line-up during the pictures? This is a dead give-away. This was so the photographer could easily crop you out of the portrait that will forever hang in their living room. Curious guests now ask your former friends about the wedding party. They might even remark that it’s unusual to see that there were more groomsmen than bridesmaids.

Don’t say, “when I get married, I’m going to…”

No bride cares about your imaginary wedding. This is her real wedding. Get with the program. You can tell your other friends what you’re going to do. Or, better yet, keep a journal (since no one really care about your imaginary wedding). Plus, you might not ever get married. Especially if you keep talking about boring subjects such as your imaginary wedding.

Never say, “this is just like what so-and-so did”

Each bride is unique and her wedding is proof of her individuality. All weddings are not the same. She may not be the only one who ever thought to dance with her father to Daddy’s Little Girl, but it’s a fine choice. Their decision not to shove cake up each other’s noses is an innovation to be proud of. Always praise that idea.

Do what you can

Spend what you can and bow out gracefully when you have to. No bride expects you to break the bank or attend every wedding-related event. (When bowing out, just remember: Don’t be the bad bridesmaid.)

Call for updates

Calls should be made on a sliding scale depending on proximity to the event or related events. Even if you win the lottery, cut off your hand in a freak boating accident, and get an audience with the Pope all in the same day, do not ever talk about yourself on the update phone call. Only talk about yourself if asked, and even then try to deflect attention back to the wedding. Your hand is gone.There’s nothing you can do about it now. Only mention it if gloves are not part of the bridesmaid ensemble. And even then, be very delicate about it. “What do you think about gloves? I see them a lot in these bridal magazines you sent me.”

Be agreeable about style choices

Only if you’ve cut your hand off and want to disguise it should you make any fashion suggestions to the bride. Keep all opinions about the wedding style positive. You love the dress. You love the tuxes. Even if your wardrobe is completely wash and wear and your idea of a tux is the polyester kind from the 70s, you approve of, and wholeheartedly support, the bride’s choices. Parasols? Grand. Lollipop centerpieces? Fabulous.

Be nice to the goober they want to fix you up with

People in the throes of love want everyone to be as blissfully happy as they are. Pretend you believe.

Help your friend go to the bathroom

You’re on duty at the wedding. And your friend is wearing five tons of dress. So, keep this in mind when you tip your champagne flute. If you get drunk then who will hold the cream puff skirt up while she backs into the stall?

Do the chicken dance

Remember, they picked the music. So, don't say, "I hate this song." Also, stay until the reception hall manager kicks you out. Then go to the after-wedding party until the bride and groom go to their suite … finally.

Be amiable. Do what they want you to do. It’s only one night, so even after your feet start to bleed, hang in there. You can ice and bandage them at two, three AM, at the very latest. Plus, they probably gave you a gift for all of your trouble. You spent hundreds of dollars. You spend countless hours. And they gave you a necklace and earrings that'll match the dress you’ll never wear again. (Remember, it’s an honor)

Of course, these tips will keep you in good stead with the couple. In fact, if you follow these guidelines, you may be their only friend. That is, of course, until it’s your turn to get married. So, if you really want to keep friends, when it’s your turn ... elope! Marry in private. Sure, your friends might think they want to be bridesmaids. This might be because they’ve never done it before. So, spare them the agony they put you through and let the wife and daughter of the justice of the peace be your witnesses.