It might be a note from your second grader’s teacher or a phone call from the middle school math instructor. It might be your first hint of trouble, or a pattern repeated annually. How you react to the news that your child isn’t doing his schoolwork can go a long way in solving the problem.

Children don't forget assignments just to anger parents. Missing work can appear at any grade level, with any teacher, and in any subject. Whether temporary or chronic, by identifying the cause you can take appropriate action to help your child succeed. Most homework issues fall into one of six categories.

Emotional Upset at Home

Minor Upsets: As adults we compartmentalize our lives. We check our troubles at the door when we punch in at work. That’s how it is with adults... not so for kids.

Children, especially younger children, have difficulty putting their feelings on hold. A secretly broken glass, a forgotten chore, a lost toy, almost any event causing guilt, can lead to upset... and missing work.

Young ones are also hypersensitive to changes in their daily routines, especially deviations they might interpret as rejection. “Daddy forgot to say goodbye,” or “Mommy didn’t kiss me goodnight;” the resulting upset is often reflected in missing work.

To prevent or solve problems due to temporary emotional upset in students under age ten:

• Establish and keep to daily routines.
• Have a set time to talk to your child every night.
• Build confidence through praise whenever it is earned.
• Reward honesty. It is more important that your son learn he can tell you if something is wrong, than to be punished for every minor infraction.

Family Upheavals: Unfortunately not all emotional upsets are so easily solved, particularly for older students. Your high schooler may wear a mask of indifference, but remember it is just that, a mask. Longterm difficulties within a family almost inevitably manifest themselves in missing assignments.

Grandpa has cancer; Dad might get laid off; Sis is marrying a jerk; the list of potential stressors is endless, and any one of them can trigger an avoidance response. If homework is missing over an extended period of time, particularly from a student with previously good work habits, look for an emotional upset as the culprit. To prevent or address such instances:

• Talk to your child. Acknowledge the problem; don’t minimize. Validate that it is normal to be upset, but that life goes on. Be supportive, not punitive.
• Discuss family situations openly and honestly with your children. In an age appropriate manner, explain the facts. Don’t let imaginations run wild.
• Families in crisis can benefit from counseling. If your family is in the midst of a major upheaval, get assistance for your child (either through school, private referral, or a faith based agency).

Social Issues at School

After the home, school is where children spend the largest part of their day, making it number two on the list of potential problem areas. The three most common social issues revolve around isolation, bullies and harassment.

Isolation: “I don’t fit!” “Nobody likes me!” “I’m ugly!” Who hasn’t had these thoughts at some time? Feelings of isolation are especially common among youngsters who are shy, immature or perceive themselves as “different” from their classmates. A child may be self-conscious about her height, weight, hair or an accent. A child’s self-image frequently diminishes as they enter their teens, often resulting in apathy and a decline in work habits. Girls who mature early or boys who mature late are particularly prone to these insecurities.

Activities, which help to build self-esteem, identify personal strengths or involve like-minded peers are helpful.

• Encourage hobbies or cooperative sports.
• Facilitate friendships others who share common interests with your child.
• Ask the teacher for her observations on your child’s interaction with classmates. Children seldom recognize the impact of their personal habits on peers. They may need advice on overcoming shyness, on personal grooming, or interpersonal skills.

Bullies: Like it or not, at some point in time we all face bullies. If you suspect a problem bluntly ask: “Is someone picking on you?” If appraised of the problem, the school should be able to help.

• Teachers can often make modifications in seating or grouping to either prevent problems or quietly solve them.
• Adverse publicity and lawsuits have motivated school systems to actively stop bullies.

Harassment: Both at home and at school, parents need to be attentive to the possibility that their child is being sexually harassed or even abused. If a child’s homework problem represents a dramatic change in behavior, or if it is persistent, do not overlook this unfortunate possibility. Since this may be a difficult topic, your child may be more comfortable speaking to a professional such as a guidance counselor, social worker, or clergy.

Peer Pressure

We all want to fit in - but at no age do we feel more pressure to conform than during adolescence. While students of any age may be adversely impacted by peer pressure, this problem is particularly acute during the middle and high school years.

Testing the Limits: The reasons for peer pressure susceptibility are partly developmental and partly cultural. As a child grows and develops into adulthood he constantly tests limits, rules and expectations. In the teen years, this behavior often is manifested by allegiance to friends. With the added pressures to conform to norms as expressed on television, music videos, movies and advertisements, teens are stretched between conformity to peer standards and the expectations of adults.

The tip of the Iceberg: The danger comes when peer pressure becomes an inappropriate force deterring a student from achievement, compliance with society’s rules or involves dangerous behaviors such as drugs, alcohol or casual sex. Missing homework may be just the tip of the iceberg and thus the first warning flag of trouble.

Honesty and Trust: The best protections against inappropriate peer pressure are an open parent-child relationship and to knowing your child’s friends. If your son realizes he can trust you and bring his friends home, he is less likely to succumb to destructive conformity away from home. Your daughter’s friends may dress in a bizarre fashion, but if they feel welcomed into your house they are less likely to steer her away from her work. To prevent problems:

• Know who your child’s friends are and where they are going.
• Invite your child’s friends into your home; meet their parents. Don’t be judgmental, but express legitimate concerns to your child.
• Set reasonable rules - and stick to them. Allow your child to have opportunities to earn your trust.
• Be willing to play the bad guy. Frequently teens find themselves in over their head with peers, but don’t know how to get out. Pick a code word, which your child can use as a signal that they want you to step in and play the heavy. “My Mom grounded me,” might be the excuse your daughter needs to resist pressure to ditch her work.
• If problems have already developed, talk to your child. Discuss goals, expectations and privileges to be earned through compliance with assignments.
• Focus on the positive. A teenager is more willing to work for a privilege, than to avoid a punishment. Ultimately the goal is a self-motivated learner, so be willing to find out what it is that will encourage your son to do his work himself.

Teacher Personality Conflicts

“Mom, the lady just doesn’t like me!” “Its not fair, he’s always on my case.” Teachers are responsible for many children at one time. Often students feel they have been slighted when a teacher seems to pass them over for rewards, compliments or privileges. Students often mistake imagined slights, as signs that the teacher “doesn’t like me.” While most are highly professional, sometimes a teacher and a student really don’t get along.

As adults we naturally work harder for the boss we like than the one we despise. Children are the same. They will withhold their best efforts from a teacher they feel dislikes them. If your daughter isn’t doing her homework, ask about the teacher.

• “Do you think he’s picking on you?”
• “Why don’t you think she likes you?”

If your son complains about a teacher, politely meet with the woman and express your concerns. Enter with an open mind. As one principal tells parents at open house, “If you believe only half of what your children say about their teachers, we’ll only believe half of what they tell us about their parents!”

And, if the problem persists? Bring your concerns to the school’s administration. Parents are often afraid to report conflicts with a teacher, fearing retribution against their child. In fact, the opposite is generally the case. Teachers want their students to succeed. It makes them look good. Besides, just like students, teachers dread being called to the principal’s office.

Inappropriate Placement

Just as in Garrison Keiller’s Lake Woebegone, we all like to believe that our children are “above average.” But sometimes the are not, and no amount of wishing, prodding or punishing is going to make any difference. If a child struggles consistently, if even with assistance they simply can’t keep up with assignments, he may be improperly placed. Children who are bored, ignore assignments as well. If work is too repetitive or not challenging enough, she may decide it is not worth doing. Whether his third-grade reading group, her middle school math class, or his high school honors program, listen to your child’s complaints and monitor the amount of time spent on homework. If work consistently takes too long, is too hard, or too easy, contact the school.

Undiagnosed Learning Disabilities

Lack of attention, lack of organization, lack of focus and missing homework are often associated with any of a variety of learning disabilities. Not all are easily detected or readily apparent.

Contrary to popular mythology, true learning disabilities are biological in nature. These students do not forget, lose, or ignore their work on purpose. Causes may involve subtle chemical imbalances or structural problems involving how the brain collects or sorts information. Difficulties may manifest themselves in one specific skill area such as writing or math - or may be generalized across the curriculum. Learning disabilities are not related to innate intelligence, in fact many famous geniuses: DaVinci, Edison, and Einstein, probably suffered from various LD problems.

If you suspect that your child’s homework problem might involve difficulty in processing the information he reads, decoding letters or words, focusing on or organizing work, then discuss your concerns with the school.

A short special education screening may reveal a weakness for further testing. Each of us learns in our own way, and federal law guarantees that students who suffer from disabilities must receive appropriate modifications in their assignments.

Remember, children want to do well in school, to be liked and to be successful. If something is interfering with these goals, missing homework will probably be one of your first indications of a problem.