You are busy working your tail off – fourteen different projects sit open on your desktop while you dial in to the conference call and check your Blackberry – and guess who strolls in? Ms. “I am better than you are”. You may wonder why she makes her way into your office every day – it’s obvious you don’t have anything in common other than you are employed by the same company – but she does it anyway.

“Guess who was just promoted?” are the first things out of her mouth, and you then realize she is only here to let you know that she got the job you both had been vying for. What a friend, right?

Or, let’s say you have an acquaintance that you would rather have fall into the cracks, but she takes time out of her “busy” schedule to dial you up and remind you that all her dreams have come true while yours haven’t. While you are busy working your fingers to the bone to make your way in the world, she has to tell you all about her husband’s salary, her lavish trips, new car and – “oh, the babysitter just arrived so I can go and spend even more money!”

Hearing from her always makes you feel so much better.

Or, finally, how about your monthly (or annual – depending on how much you enjoy the agony) visit to mom’s. As soon as you walk in the door she is comparing you to the neighbor’s child (“he already made partner two years out of college but you are still working that dead end job.”), your aunt’s daughter (“three kids and look at that figure, what happened to yours?”) or even the butcher’s niece (“she met a nice man and settled down, the best thing she could have done – you’re so old now, I don’t know if that will ever happen.”). And all of that happens before dinner is on the table. It just grows bigger and bigger until you run, screaming, for the door.

Everyone has that person (or people) who can get under their skin. This person can zap any happiness or sense of worth that you may be feeling. But, they can’t do it unless you let them.

Instead of falling into their trap, learn how to effectively deal with different personality dynamics in your favor.

The Negatives, Braggers and Belittlers all have something in common

There are a few different types of “put down” people – the Negatives, the Braggers and the Belittlers.

The Negatives point out everything wrong in everyone’s life – except their own. They will tell you why it can’t work, what is wrong with that person and who can’t get ahead.

No cheery thoughts upon waking up in the negative’s household – just drizzle and doom until it’s time to go to bed again.

The braggers won’t let you get a word in edgewise – they are too busy telling you why they are the best, who loves them the most and how no one can be as good as they are. They are so busy thinking of their next bragging rights that they can’t even hear you speak.

The Belittlers spend almost every waking moment picking out your (and everyone else’s) flaws and rubbing them in your face that they can’t even see where they may have gone wrong. Your faults fuel the belittler to continue biting at you – they can even do their shtick while smiling right at your face.

While they – the Negatives, the Braggers and the Belittlers - all have different ways to rub a person raw, they are doing it for the same reason – their lives aren’t as perfect, as rosy or as grandiose as they would like to have you believe.

Yes, the grass is greener on the other side, but put their actions into perspective. They have to walk around every day finding flaws in other human beings in order to feel some semblance of self worth. Not only can that be an exhausting way to live, but it really closes them off from experiencing the beneficial aspects of having real relationships. But, they limit themselves with their actions, and all you can do is change the way you deal with such an abundance of “nanny, nanny, boo, boo.”

Learning to deal with the likes of them

You can rise above all of it – heck, you can do anything you want to do, the world is your oyster, all thing’s are possible – and all that other cliché business. You are you, and isn’t it about time you stop letting others take away your glory, your right and your promise of a new day?

Before any tactics on how to deal with “these people” can be of help to you, there is one thing you have to realize. You are allowing yourself to internalize their poison. “They” cannot make you feel any one way – you control your emotions, your reactions and your destiny.

They can try to put you in a sour mood – but once you find that lowly place all you can do is blame yourself. It was you who doubted you; they only put the thought out there for you to soak up and run with. Worked like a charm, didn’t it?

Since you are allowing this to happen to you on occasion (or maybe every day), why not jot down some honest answers to a few inward-looking questions:

• What are my strengths?
• What are my weaknesses?
• What is one thing I would change about myself?
• What makes me proud about my life?
• What makes me unhappy about my life?
• Who are my role models?
• Who sees me as a role model?
• If I could change anything about my life right now, what would it be?
• What are 5 short term goals I want to accomplish?
• What are 5 long term goals I want to accomplish?
• What’s my plan to get there?

Now you can see it in black and white – your life’s blueprint. Sitting before you are all of your strengths, weaknesses, hopes, dreams, accomplishments and motivational factors to keep on trucking on. This piece of paper holds the key to how you view yourself – and how you can improve your life on your own terms.

Whatever negativity you see in your life is also on this sheet – and you can easily see why “they” can get you down. No matter if they are written down or scored into your brain, your weaknesses can make you stagnant, scared and hopeless. But guess what, we aren’t perfect – if we were, life would be like playing a video game with all the cheat codes. Instead, we have areas our life where we have to work harder, play smarter and make wiser decisions.

So, you can see exactly where you let these folks get the best of you. But, now you know the other parts – the good ones – where you should put the majority of your focus. No more sticking your head in the sand. It’s now time to put the “dealing with you” tactics to work.

The Negatives

These types of “put me downers” can really wear on the soul. Instead of seeing the glass half full, they see it half empty with a fly stuck to the rim. They can be no fun to deal with, but here are a few tips on making your time with them a little better:

• Make a habit of saying at least one nice thing about everything or everyone you see, hear or think about when around this person – leading by example can either help them see their negativity or make them run in the other direction when you are around.

• Think out of the box when dealing with this person – if you are working on a project together – whether it be career or community-oriented or just planning a child’s birthday party – let them slam your ideas, saying “it will never work,” but show them it will.

• Give them a taste of their own medicine – agree with their negativity and throw your own negativity spin into the mix – if you see their happiness soar because of your participation, then you know you may not have room in your life for this person.

• Discuss their negativity with them – tell them (as nice as possible) how incredibly small-minded and stagnant that sort of behavior is – then tell them about the positive side of life – if they get angry or dismiss your feelings, dismiss them for good.

The Braggers

A bragger is just a person unhappy with one or many aspects of their life, period. They can and will use any situation to exaggerate or make up their own life’s circumstances in a way to feel worth. While this may be considered a sad way to live, they are so wrapped up in doing it that they don’t realize what it sounds like. Here are a few ways to deal with them:

• Take the floor – after they are done bragging, insert one positive thing that happened to you recently; then discuss your weaknesses and how you plan to overcome them. Braggers can’t stand for someone else to be the center of attention, so more than likely, they will discuss their weaknesses too (one upping you, of course). This helps you in two ways – talking about your life’s challenges helps you become more determined to overcome them, and you finally get to see that their life isn’t just all roses – they have weaknesses too.

• Don’t wait for them to call you, dial their number and have a chat. This will catch the bragger off guard (they are usually the ones to make the first move), and show you that if they aren’t the ones in control, then they have little to say.

• Probe them for their real life. When talking to them, ask them about the new car or the house and see if there is anything else behind the brag. Maybe it isn’t the one they wanted or there are problems behind the rose colored glasses – and help them through it. Sometimes, they may only be bragging because no one ever took the time to listen to their problems.

• If you can’t get them beyond the bragging, then corner them. Tell them how it makes you feel and how you envision your relationship. They will either fess up and become a real friend, or write you off. Either way, you win.

The Belittlers

We beat ourselves up enough every day – so why do we make room in our precious life for those who’s cross to bear is pointing out our every little flaw? These folks can be taxing on your soul, and allow us to create unhealthy opinions of who we are. Don’t let them, instead:

• For every aspect of your life they put down, throw up the positive. So, you didn’t get the job you set out for, but the new one is even better. Yes, maybe you didn’t lose the baby weight as soon as someone else did, but look at how your child is thriving. You get the picture. This re-instates your belief in yourself while eliminating their opinion of how you should be.

• Sometimes (but not always) a little taste of their own medicine is all they need. Take five minutes to belittle them – they will probably go into shock and then get angry. When they look like they have had enough, apologize- tell them you didn’t mean what you said – but explain to them that they do that very thing to you every time you are in the same room together. Not so nice, is it?

• Ignore them. If they choose to belittle you, why can’t you choose to take that time to do something better? Yes, they may get frustrated with you, but it sends them the message that you don’t have room for that kind of meaningless discussion.

• Practice tough love – if your belittler happens to be a relative, cut them off until they can change. When they call and start into their belittling mode, tell them you love them, but you just don’t have room in your life for such negativity; then hang up. They will either stop calling, or start saying something nice for a change.

• Cut them off. Don’t give them the satisfaction of belittling you. If nothing else works, get rid of them.

Cleaning your closet to make room for new shoes

Life is too short not to make the best of it – so why would you put up with people who aren’t adding value? Just as we clean our closet out to get rid of things that just don’t fit your style anymore, we have to do the same with busted up friendships.

If you just cannot get through to your Negative, Bragger or Belittler, than why settle? As much as it may hurt, it is time to move on.