Get Real

With that out of the way, we can proceed with a more realistic approach. Or, conversely, as my parents told their wedding planner when he informed them that the general approach for bar bills at weddings is to assume that "Mr and Mrs. Smith will be attending, and having two drinks each…"

"We don't know anyone named Smith."

People like to drink, because drinking necessarily implies being out with your friends and having a good time. If you want to do that, but don't want to waste the entire next day curled up in bed moaning and unable to change the television channel (it's happened to all of us), consider these pointers:

The Over-the-Counter Approach

The most commonly held belief in hangover prevention is to take 2 Tylenol, Advil, etc. (whatever your regular choice is, or whatever is in your friend's medicine cabinet) immediately prior to going to sleep.

While this theory works on some levels, it assumes that:

1. You'll remember to do it,
2. You'll have any analgesics, and
3. You'll be able to put them in your mouth and swallow water.

A more practical approach is this: almost always, following a night of drinking, you'll have to use the bathroom at a time when you're not prepared to be fully awake (7am region). At that time, use the bathroom and take 2 of your weapon of choice, then go back to sleep for more than 4 hours. This is how I beat hangovers on two consecutive New Year's Days, and still the approach I recommend to others. When I take the pills prior to bed and sleep straight through, that nagging-headache and dehydrated-muscle feeling still racks my body. Not nearly as bad if I pop 'em early morning while already in the bathroom for a purpose.

The (Other) Drinks Approach

Some say, "Drink water as you drink alcohol during the night." This isn't bad logic, and it certainly makes you feel better about how drunk you're probably getting ("I'm drinking water too, you know!"). The drawback here is that water takes up space in your stomach along with liquor, and can cause you to throw up on a night when you otherwise wouldn't.

Coffee the Next Morning

Coffee the next morning is a mixed bag. Some swear by it because the jolt of caffeine moves them away from the depressed hangover state. Others find that it works for a short spell, then plunges you back into the purgatory of day-long pain. The best bet is to drink a good combination of fluids on the next day—it flushes your system, which also gets rid of some of the alcohol lurking there. In a slightly grosser note, in certain individuals certain drinks (cheap, gas-station style coffee) tend to produce a need to go to the bathroom, but at least it begins to clean their systems of toxins.

Hair of the Dog

One of my friends in college swore by the controversial "hair of the dog" approach. Logically, "hair of the dog" makes sense—a hangover is, in effect, your body calling out for more alcohol. Why not give it what it wants? Well, eventually (unless you're Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas), you'll have to stop drinking, and then you'll be dealing with a massive, remedy-proof hangover, perhaps on a workday.

Foods

I prefer breaded foods to cure hangovers—pancakes seem an especially positive option on those mornings. The worst thing you can do is not eat. I tried not eating on three occasions in college, and three of the more miserable days of my life resulted. Conversely, I once ordered an entire platter of Chicken Fried Rice, and spent an additional 2 days in the pits of hangover hell. Avoid greasy, fat-laden foods. Try to keep your approach basic—bread, maybe with something on it, and water. You'll feel like an inmate, yes, but physically aren't you already feeling imprisoned?

Some bartenders tell patrons to eat an entire pepper on the morning after. I'm not entirely sure what this would do, although I guess it would make you cringe so much that you'd forget about the hangover, the events of the night before, and just about everything else about the past ten years. I once accidentally ate a pepper while completely sober, and it destroyed my night—I can't imagine what ingesting one of those things while suffering would be like.

The Shower

Almost all my friends swear by "the hangover-curing shower," but I use it more for reflection purposes. How did last night go? Why does my head hurt so much right now? What things could I do in the future to avoid this? How many people heard me sing karaoke to Pat Benatar?

The shower can be an awakening experience, and if you have a large enough area, you can spend some of the time stretching out your dehydrated muscles under pressurized, hot water—but overall, the shower won't do much your condition. You'll exit, feeling a little bit colder and wishing you were back there, still figuring out how to face your day.

Experiment

If you've come to the subtle conclusion that you don't want to give up what creates the hangover, then you need to find your own way to defeat the hangover—so experiment a little.