Sex during Pregnancy

1- Is it normal to experience changes in my sexual desire during pregnancy?

Yes, sexual desire varies during pregnancy. Your sexual practices during pregnancy will depend on several factors such as previous beliefs about sex, physical aspects of your pregnancy, and emotional aspects of your pregnancy. In the first trimester (0-3 months), hormonal fluctuations, physical discomforts, and emotional adaptation may be responsible for these changes in women. Sexual desire decreases in about 40% of pregnant women. Men view the pregnancy differently. For most men, sexual desire goes unchanged but some men may feel abandoned or unloved.

In the second trimester (3-6 months), for most pregnant women, physical discomforts are greatly reduced. Men have a better awareness of the baby’s presence. Most couples start to enjoy sexual intercourse again.

In the third trimester (6-9 months), sexual desire drops for most women and some men due to physical discomfort, issues related to body image, worries about the birth, and the baby’s health.

2- Can couples continue to have sexual intercourse during pregnancy?

Throughout the pregnancy, assuming the woman is feeling well and rested, and her partner is up to it, anything is possible: stroking and cuddling, masturbation, oral sex, orgasm. This is the time to get creative about sex. Intimacy and tenderness are still very important, and may become even more important.

There are many positions that are more comfortable as you expand. Here are the ones which put less pressure on the abdomen, and where penetration is not as deep:

• Sideways, face to face
• Spooning (rear entry)
• Woman on top
• Man on top (weight on hands and elbows)

In early pregnancy, the cervix is more sensitive. You may experience contractions for a few minutes after an orgasm, especially at the end of the pregnancy.

3- When should we abstain from sexual intercourse?

You should avoid sexual intercourse (penetration) in the following situations until your health practitioner instructs you otherwise:

• Vaginal bleeding or pain 
• Ruptured membranes (your water has broken)
• History or risk of miscarriage

4- Can sexual intercourse hurt the baby?

Sexual intercourse will not induce premature labor or hurt the baby. The baby is protected by the amniotic sac, and by the thick mucus plug blocking the cervix. However, sex during pregnancy should be approached delicately.

Parenthood is a time for self-discovery and for getting to know your partner in a new situation. Talking about your feelings is a great way to « Become a parent ».

Sex after Childbirth

5- Is it normal not to want to have sex after having a baby?

Men and women may have different worries and reactions when it comes to postpartum sex.

For women, pregnancy and childbirth fatigue, pain from perineal tearing or stitches from an episiotomy, lack of sleep, hor­monal fluctuations, and concern over physical appearance may impact their mood and sexual desire.

For men, sexual desire is affected by the intense nature of the birth, adapting to their new role, not wanting to pressure their partner, and concerns over their partner’s physical appearance. Some men have a very emotional reaction to the birth and may feel rejected by their partner.

6- How do we get the magic back?

Intimacy, tenderness, and commu­nication are key factors. It’s important to talk about your feeling and insecurities before and after the baby is born.

After the birth, the time and energy devoted to the new baby may take it's toll, leaving neither available for intimacy. However, finding time alone or dating are good ways to help you adjust to your new life, and become more intimate.

Although sexual satisfaction decreases after the birth, most couples enjoy a more satisfying sexual relationship within a year following the birth.

7- When is it safe to have sex after childbirth?

When you are ready, you can resume certain types of sexual activities a few days after the birth. Cuddling and vaginal stimulation is allowed if there is no pain or discomfort. However, you should not have sexual intercourse until your perineum is comfortable, the episiotomy has healed (3 to 5 weeks), and the lochia (bleeding) has stopped. Also, women who had a c-section should wait until their incision is healed (4 to 6 weeks).

Lovemaking may be a little different. It is common to feel very dry (this may cause discomfort during penetration), to have less intense or shorter orgasms, to have decreased tone in the perineal muscles, and for breasts to leak after an orgasm in nursing mothers. Don’t worry, these discomforts are temporary, and you sex life will be back to normal soon enough.

8- How can I ease my discomfort?

At first, chose comfortable positions that let you control penetration and avoid putting pressure on the abdomen or your incision. Using a water-based lubricant (e.g.: K-Y, ASTROGLIDE, etc.) can make lovemaking more enjoyable.

You should not use Vaseline as it may cause vaginal irritation and damage the condom. To help increase muscle tone, resume your Kegel exercises: contract, and release vaginal muscles. Practice these exercises many times during the day.

9- When will I get my period again?

For nursing mothers, the menstrual cycle usually resumes once nursing stops. The timing is different depending on how long you breastfeed, and whether or not you supplement with bottles. For non-nursing mothers, menstruating will usually start 3 to 8 weeks after childbirth.

10- What type of birth control should I use?

As soon as you start having sexual intercourse, you should use a condom if you don’t want to become pregnant until long term contraception has been chosen: oral contraceptives (the Pill), an intrauterine devices, Depo-Provera or sterilization (vasectomy or tubal ligation).

Breastfeeding is not a suitable means of contraception. For non-nursing mothers, oral contraceptives may be taken as early as the third week after delivery.

Talk to your health practitioner while you are still pregnant to find out which contraceptive method is right for you.