Parents of elementary aged students are great about being involved in their children’s schools. They join the PTA, they volunteer in classrooms, they fundraise, they organize class outings and they show up to every single talent show, holiday program, awards night, and school play all year long.

But for many parents, as their kids get older and move into middle school and high school, they start to drift away from the school. Maybe they aren’t sure how to go about helping in the upper level schools or they think their kids should be on their own more or maybe they just get worn out, but whatever the reason, the fact is that their kids still need them, maybe even more than before.

According the National Center for Education Statistics, “studies have found that parental involvement is more important to student success, at every grade level, than family income or education.” So, it seems that even as kids get older, they continue to thrive under the support and active participation of their parents in their school – whether they would admit it or not!

Traditionally, parents of high school students have been great supporters of athletics. They do not seem to have difficulty supporting their kids on the field or court. However, they do seem to have trouble showing their support in the academic realm. Maybe it is because they are more comfortable dealing with the athletics, but parents must realize that this sort of lopsided participation can send a mixed message to kids. They may come to think that their athletics are more important than their academics.

So, if you have kids in high school and you want to get back into the school and support your child, how do you do it?

Get In The Know

You cannot participate in your child’s school if you are uninformed. Make it your job to learn the who’s who and how things work in the school.

• Attend back-to-school night or any beginning of the year orientations offered at the school. This is where you meet the administration, teachers and support staff. You can also learn about school policies on such things as attendance, homework, discipline, grading and extracurricular eligibility and rules. Ask questions about any areas of concern you might have. High schools have tons of activities and programs for kids, but sometimes the kids don’t even realize what is offered. You might be able to find things that would interest your child through attending these orientations.
• Introduce yourself to your child’s teachers so that they can put a face with a name early on. Unlike elementary teachers who have around 30 students total, high school teachers can have over a hundred students on their rosters. Consequently, they may have a hard time learning which kid belongs to whom. So, if they meet you early and have a quick chat with you, they’ll probably remember who you are. Once this relationship is established communication between school and home will improve.
• Check out the school’s website, if they have one. High school students are notorious about “forgetting” to tell their parents about things going on at school, so the website may help you be more informed. They usually list school activity calendars, testing dates and information, school board meeting information, and links to school related websites. Many teachers also have links to their own class websites where they post assignments and classroom details.

Get Involved in Schoolwork

You read to your child every day when they were little and you made them repeat their multiplication tables to you until they memorized all the way through the twelve’s, but now that they are older, their schoolwork is different. Don’t be afraid of high school course material; you don’t have to do it or even understand it, just pay attention.

• Try to keep the lines of communication open with your child. In the course of your daily conversation, ask about what they are learning in school. If they tell you “nothing” as teenagers are prone to do, be more specific in your questioning. Ask what part of history they are learning about or what book they are reading in English. You don’t need a complete run down everyday; just try to be aware of the kinds of subject they are studying.
• Check over homework at least occasionally just like you did in elementary school. High school students typically have homework daily, so if you are getting the “I don’t have any” line daily, be suspect and check in with teachers, especially in the core subjects: math, social studies, science and English. Even if you don’t feel qualified to check to see if their work is accurate, at least you can see what types of assignments they have and how complete their work looks.
• Set rules about homework. Decide when and where it is to be done every day. The best time is as soon as they get home from school or practice, although most teenagers would prefer to procrastinate until about 2:00 a.m. Try to get them to study away from the television or stereo so that they can concentrate.
• Be aware of upcoming tests and projects. Many high school students will withhold this sort of information from parents, but if you work at building a supportive rather than strictly authoritative relationship with your child around their schoolwork, they may be more willing to let you in on this information. They might even let you quiz them on test information or help them with homework. If so, try to help them without doing the work yourself and if you realize you don’t know the information, try to help your child find a resource that can help them.
• If you notice your child is struggling with his or her academic subjects, consider a tutor. High school subjects can be more demanding and rigorous, so if they struggle they may get behind quickly. Don’t wait to see how it goes, take action by working with teachers, counselors and tutoring centers.

Communicate With Teachers

Getting to know your child’s teachers and coming to understand their procedures and teaching style will help you support your child in his or her academics. High school teachers are busy people, but they have time to talk with parents about their student’s academic progress.

• Attend all parent-teacher conferences. Today, under the No Child Left Behind regulations, schools are required to track student achievement, so when you go to the conferences, you will see test scores as well as participate in setting academic goals for your child. You will also have the opportunity to see samples of your child’s class work.
• Check in with teachers - even if nothing is wrong. Again, just like when the kids were in elementary school, check in occasionally to see if there’s anything you should know or to ask how you can help at home. Teachers will appreciate knowing that there is a supportive family unit at home for their student. You don’t necessarily have to physically go to school either. You can check in quickly via phone and often, via email.

Get Involved

Participating in your child’s high school activities is different than participating when they were in elementary. You probably won’t be asked to be a “room-mom,” but they always need volunteers for some committee or fundraiser. It’s also a good way to network with your kids’ parents.

• Join the Parent-Teacher Association (PTA). Most every school in the country has some version of this organization. The work they do impacts the entire school. Typically, these groups are able to accomplish the work that teachers and administrators would do themselves to improve schools if only they had the time and resources available.
• Join another committee. Beyond the PTA, there are always lots of other committees and advisory boards that are looking for parental involvement. Booster clubs and other parent groups can be fun and their events may coincide with your child’s activities, so you can be there for both purposes. See what’s available at your school and choose something that is of interest to you.
• Attend school functions. Even if you can’t make every one of your daughter’s junior varsity basketball games, do go when you can. And also be sure to go to as many of her other events as possible. Watch her debate, see the school play and go to the talent show. If your child isn’t involved in the school’s extracurricular activities directly, see if they want to go watch the play with you. This is still active parental participation in the school.

More Ways to Support Your Child

Beyond all of this, there are a few more things parents can do to support their kids during their high school careers.

• Encourage your child to join extracurricular activities. Statistics have proven that participation in any school activity improves the academic success rate for students. Help your child find something that interests him or her, but do not force them to do something they really do not want to do as that will only lead to frustration or rebellion. If the school doesn’t offer something of interest, look outside for other types of activities they might like. As long as they are involved in some activity, they are less likely to get involved in negative behaviors.
• Get to know your child’s friends and also their parents. Just be aware of who your child is hanging around with. Know the phone numbers of their closest friends and try to meet or speak with other parents when the kids are planning parties and activities so you know what is going on at other homes.
• Limit internet and video game time. Today, teens are very susceptible to becoming immersed or even addicted to the internet or video games. While it is normal for teens to spend some time enjoying one or the other, it is not healthy if they are spending hours on it daily. Monitor and restrict time on the computer or playing video games.
• Continue to set limits. High school students may look all grown up, but in fact, their brains are still developing. They are not always capable of making safe decisions, so you still have to make them for them sometimes. It is still reasonable to impose curfews and limit where they go and with whom. Be the parent, even if they think you’re mean, cruel, old-fashioned, unreasonable and crazy.

As parents we all live busier-than-we-would-like-to-be lives, but we cannot and must not cease being part of our kids’ worlds just because they reach that scary teenage time. They may not show it very often, or ever, but they need us. Deep down, they really want us to be interested in their school lives. They want us to be at all the activities. They expect us to care about their schoolwork. They just cannot admit it out loud because that’s not so cool. Someday, though they will pass through the teen gauntlet and then they will realize how lucky they were to have their mom or dad or both involved in their lives all the way through.

External Links:

• National PTA - Resources for parents from the National PTA