You have done it - you have made the momentous decision to adopt a child. Whatever your reasons for doing so, it is one of the few biggest and far-reaching decisions you will make in your life – right up there along with marriage, divorce or switching careers. Having made the decision, probably after months of discussion and soul-searching, the next most important step will be to choose an adoption agency. The agency you choose will not only guide you through the lengthy, complicated and often costly process – but will hopefully offer you support and help long after you have your adopted children settled in your home.
First Steps...
The first step in choosing an adoption agency that is right for you is to approach the task from the point of view of a consumer. Some experts have suggested that you approach it with the same attitude as if you were buying a new car! Try to look beyond the human element and look at a potential adoption agency as merely a business, and from an objective point of view. After all, their goal is to make a profit as well as to help you meet your own personal goals. Try to spend several weeks – perhaps even months – investigating different agencies, what they specialize in and what they offer, and how long they have been in business. Most adoption agencies have informal orientation or informational sessions on a regular basis; if you attend the meetings, come prepared with a list of questions you would like to ask.
Talk to Other People
Of course, the best recommendation you can have is from someone else who has actually used the agency to successfully adopt. Ask the agency if they have a list of adoptive parents who would be prepared to talk to you; often these same adoptive parents will regularly attend the agency’s orientation session and give glowing reviews of the agency and its workers. You can also find many adoption forums and chat rooms on-line, where people in the same position as you can exchange information and opinions a little more candidly.
Often it’s the personality of the people in the agency, and your particular social worker that will influence your decision as much as anything – remember you will be working closely with these people for probably many months. You want to work with a social worker who is sympathetic to your needs, and is energetic and experienced enough to find you a child in this often competitive environment.
No adoption agency is going to advertise its failures, but how do you proceed if you come across people who have failed to adopt through a particular agency, or have had their application declined? Keep in mind the fault may be with the client, not the agency; not everybody is approved to adopt and not everybody finds the children they are looking for. One more thing you can do is to contact the Better Business Bureau in the state where the agency is licensed to see if any complaints have been filed against them. Ask the agency about any professional affiliations; such as the Child Welfare League of America.
Adopting from Overseas
By now you will probably have decided to pursue domestic adoption or adoption from overseas. Adopting internationally is potentially even more complicated; in adopting from another country, you need to deal with not only the standard legal issues, costs and paperwork, but possibly language barriers and immigration concerns too. Make sure your agency is experienced in working with the country in question as well as accredited there; you might want to make sure they have representatives actually based in that country. And will your agency help with travel arrangements, when the time comes for you to travel there? Many countries have hugely different requirements when it comes to adoption; does your agency allow you to easily switch your application from one country to another, for whatever reason?
A Costly Process
Adopting a child is probably one of the costliest things you will do – the average cost to adopt through an agency within the United States is around $14,000 and many adoptions can cost more than this. Be realistic - remember that you are paying for the agency’s services and there is no guarantee that you will get the child you have always wanted. Be wary of an agency if they require that all your fees be paid upfront.
Your agency should be able to supply you with a comprehensive list of fees, a detailed breakdown and explanation of what they include as well as a schedule of when they are due. It’s well worth the added cost to you to have an experienced adoption attorney look over the fee structure as well as the other paperwork. You should also be suspicious of an agency that seems to charge too little for their services or seems to have “hidden costs.”
From the consumer point of view, you might ask to see the company’s most recent annual report and find out how they spend their leftover funds. If the agency is a non-profit agency, it is particularly important to know how much of their income goes on administration.
The adoption process can be time consuming to say the least. Ask your agency for some guidelines on how long the whole process might take, although you should also be wary of an agency who promises to find you a child before the family assessment has been completed. Don’t be afraid to jump ship and switch agencies midway through the process - having already established of course that your fees paid so far will be refunded to you. From this viewpoint, it can be a good idea to have a “second choice” agency as a backup, in case the agency you chose is simply not working out.
Adoption Facilitators
You may also come across “adoption facilitators” who are people not actually licensed as agencies whose business is to match birthparents with potential adoptive parents. In virtually all states, facilitators are not allowed to charge directly for their services and if you are thinking of using one, many of the same kind of questions can be asked of them. You don’t have to use one at all – it is your social worker’s responsibility to match you up with a potential child once you have been approved.
And after all the paperwork is done, every form signed, every last hurdle cleared and at last you have a child in your home? Many agencies consider that their job is far from over at this point – they may offer informal and professional advice, support groups and get togethers with fellow adoptive parents, as well as recommending specialist help should you need it. And if you are happy with their services, you can always be one of the enthusiastic new parents singing their praises at the next orientation session.