Money is the last thing you want to think about when a loved one has died. Unfortunately, just like joyous occasions such as weddings and birthday celebrations, funerals cost money – lots and lots of money. And let’s face it: no one spends the amount of time and effort planning their own funeral as they would with, say, their bar mitzvah or anniversary parties ... it isn’t nearly as fun. But a lack of planning often leaves grieving family members and friends to grapple with the tough decisions and financial burdens of funeral arrangements. The National Funeral Directors Association says that the average funeral will cost you over five thousand big ones. Here is a breakdown of the costs, according to a 1999 estimate:

Professional Charges – $1,182.31

Embalming – $400.51

Other preparations (such as cosmetology) – $150.35

Visitation or viewing – $314.42

Funeral services at a funeral home – $356.68

Funeral home transferring – $158.66

Hearse (local) – $179.08

Service car/van – $87.42

Acknowledgement cards – $14.47

Casket – $2,176.46

Vault – $757.80

Total Cost: $5,778.16

Unfortunately, these aren’t all the costs that the average funeral incurs. There are also the costs of cemetery plots, opening and closing of the grave, clergy services (and other services such as an organist or soloist), flowers, and headstones or markers.

Plan Before It’s a Necessity.

It Pays to Shop Around.

Know the Funeral Rule.

Right of selection and basic services fee

A funeral provider cannot refuse you service if you only buy one thing from them, and they can’t offer you one item only on the condition that you buy another – so if someone tries to convince you otherwise, they’re in violation of the Funeral Rule.

Embalming

Embalming is rarely required by law. Some states do require that a body be embalmed in certain circumstances (Alabama, Alaska, Idaho, Kansas, Minnesota, and New Jersey, for example, require it when the body is being shipped or taken across state lines), but most don’t, especially if it’s a local funeral and the body won’t need to be moved between states. If you want a funeral where the body is viewed by friends and family members, then embalming may be required by the funeral home; however, it can cost up to $3,000 or more. Immediate burial, cremation or a closed-casket funeral eliminates the need for special preparations of the body and can save you lots of money. Don’t be fooled by a funeral provider who tries to talk you into paying for an embalming if you feel it isn’t necessary – the facts are:

• Embalming doesn’t provide a public health benefit.
• It doesn’t preserve a body forever; it may slightly prolong decomposition, but it’s going to happen regardless. Temperature has more to do with the rate of decomposition than whether a body has been embalmed.
• Embalming is physically invasive.
• It has no religious roots (some religions even consider it a desecration); it’s only a common practice in the US and Canada.

According to the Funeral Consumers Alliance, “The funeral industry promotes embalming and viewing as a means to show ‘proper respect for the body,’ and to establish the ‘clear identity’ of the corpse so that the reality of death cannot be denied by those who view the body. Many funeral directors are convinced that seeing the body is a necessary part of the grieving process, even if the death was long anticipated.” However, in her book Questions and Answers on Death and Dying, psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross says, “… the elaborate expensive display of an open casket with all the makeup in the slumber room enforces the belief that the person is only asleep, and in my personal opinion would only help to prolong the stage of denial.”

According to the Federal Trade Commission, there are only three circumstances under which a funeral home is allowed to charge a fee for embalming:

• If state law requires it, regardless of the family’s wishes
• If the funeral provider has been given express permission to embalm the body from a family member or other authorized person; however, they’re required to specifically ask the designated person for permission to embalm – it can’t just be implied in vague terms such as “prepare the body.”
• If the funeral provider has tried numerous times but cannot contact a family member or authorized person, and has no reason to believe that the family of the deceased does not want the body embalmed. But there is an exception to this: if, after going ahead with the embalming, the funeral provider manages to contact the family, and the family chooses a funeral service that doesn’t require embalming, the provider can’t charge for the embalming. In short, if the provider doesn’t have prior approval but embalms the body anyway, the family doesn’t have to pay for it.

One caveat: if you refuse embalming, watch out for “refrigeration costs.” Some funeral providers do require this, but in most cases it doesn’t cost more than twenty to fifty dollars per day to refrigerate a body. Don’t let anyone swindle you into paying as much for refrigeration as you would for embalming!

Alternative containers

You are allowed to provide your own burial container – it isn’t necessary to purchase one from a funeral home. Funeral homes can’t stop you from buying a casket elsewhere, so they will sometimes go to great lengths to persuade you to buy from them – for a much higher price (the average markup on a casket can range from 300-500%!). But you can save hundreds of dollars by doing a little research first. There are lots of alternative places to buy caskets, even online (this is, after all, the 21st century!). Casket wholesalers such as FuneralBiz.com or DirectCasket.com offer sizeable discounts and charge little or no shipping costs. You can also usually get a bargain on a casket through local retailers who sell them; for a link to a national casket store directory, see the end of this article. And if you’re handy with the tools, and don’t mind a little hard work (and the task itself doesn’t thoroughly creep you out), you can always make your own casket! Many web retailers offer plans – even handyman Bob Vila of This Old House fame peddles casket plans on his site, BobVila.com.

If you do decide to buy a casket from a funeral provider, be prepared for a sales pitch. After all, like any retailer, they’re trying to sell you something – and get the most money from you that they can. Beware of offers such as “sealer” caskets that many funeral providers tout as “top of the line.” Such so-called “sealers” are said to protect and preserve the body, but often do just the opposite. This excerpt from Lisa Carlson’s book, Caring for the Dead: Your Final Act of Love, tells of a lawsuit against the Batesville Casket Company for this type of casket:

Barbara Osborne had no reservations about spending $4,000 for Daddy's “protective” copper casket. Two months later when she went to place flowers for Father's Day—the casket was “stinking to high heaven.” Batesville took four months to respond. A video of the rotting flesh confirmed Barbara's worst fears.

“Protective,” says the Batesville guarantee that Barbara was given. The Batesville website goes even further: “The urge to keep our loved ones protected and safe is fundamental to all of us. No wonder so many families are comforted by the ability to protect their loved ones with the Batesville Monoseal protective casket.” It's going to keep out air, water, and other elements, we're told.

The dictionary definition of protection is “to keep from harm.” Yes, the gasketed casket may keep out any bugs that didn't accidentally get closed inside in the first place, but Batesville doesn't bother to reveal that—by keeping air out—a sealed casket (in anything but the most frigid weather) becomes a slow cooker that will turn the body into a smelly stew.

The bottom line: caskets are caskets are caskets, and no matter what bells and whistles are attached, none of them are going to keep a body looking lifelike for long. All bodies decompose to some degree, regardless of how “well-sealed” they may be. Don’t feel guilty about not buying a special casket, because it won’t do any more to protect your loved one (or yourself, as the case may be) than a standard, no-frills model will.

Don’t Be Tricked!

The things that the average person may not know about funerals are the things that can cost that person hundreds, even thousands, of dollars extra. Here are a few tricks of the funeral trade that can jack up the price:

• To discourage customers from choosing cheaper casket models, some funeral homes will display them in ugly colors. In truth, the same caskets can be ordered in more desirable colors and shipped to the funeral provider within hours.
• Similarly, some of the lower-priced casket models will be kept in an out-of-the-way location or even stored in the basement. Ask if there are any caskets not on display
• Not all cemeteries require a grave liner or vault, so check with your cemetery of choice before buying one. If the cemetery you plan to use does require an outer burial container, grave liners are generally cheaper than vaults, and a basic concrete model will only be a couple hundred dollars as opposed to up to seven thousand dollars for the highest-end containers.
• Guilt is a very common sales tactic used in the funeral industry. It’s easy for grieving family members to fall prey to such tactics when confronted with lines such as, “I know you want only the best for your loved one,” or, “Think of this as your last gift to your (mother, uncle, dear departed friend).” It’s hard to know how to respond to such a statement! The Funeral Consumers Alliance suggests responding with something like, “If I spent according to how much I care, I’d be penniless – I’d be paying you for the rest of my life!” Take a friend with you – preferably someone who wasn’t close to the deceased – to help you resist the sales pitches, and to remind you that you aren’t unloving if you choose a cheaper price.

Since there’s no body and no casket, most people who choose to be cremated also opt not to have the standard funeral service, which is another way to cut costs. (Or the money that would have gone to the funeral service is spent on a nice memorial or gathering for family and friends.)

The Cremation Option

There is a rising trend toward cremation, the nation’s answer to outlandish funeral costs and diminished space in cemeteries. Being cremated is much less expensive than being buried; on average, the entire process costs $1500 or less. Most crematories require a container to house the body, but a casket isn’t necessary; the FTC’s Funeral Rule states that the crematories must provide customers with suitable, simple, unfinished containers. Or, as with caskets, you’re allowed to provide your own as long as it’s up to the minimum standards. There are no fees for embalming, caskets, vaults, opening and closing of the grave, etc. Urns are often purchased by families at a cost of $150 or so, but they aren’t a requirement. They’re only a necessity for people wanting to display their loved one’s ashes. Ashes are returned to the deceased’s family in a container (metal, cardboard or plastic) that is suitable for burial or shipping, so unless you want to attractively display them on the mantel, the box they come in is sufficient for most purposes.

Donation to Science

Another alternative is to donate the body to a university or medical facility for scientific research. Usually the only costs incurred by this method are transportation costs, usually a couple hundred dollars. And in most cases, if specifically requested, cremated remains can be returned to the family once the research has been completed (note: this can take up to two years).

Do-It-Yourself

You can always handle everything yourself, without the services of a funeral provider. After all, this is what our ancestors did – and many cultures still do. These days, of course, it’s a bit more tricky; there are permits to obtain, and since it’s not as common a practice as it used to be, it’s harder to know exactly what to do. But there are plenty of valuable resources for people who want to care for and bury their dead themselves: for example, the book mentioned earlier, Caring for the Dead: Your Final Act of Love by Lisa Carlson, contains a comprehensive state-by-state list of required permits, how to get them, and when and where to file them. While handling all arrangements yourself is no doubt a time-consuming process, it can also be a labor of love – and markedly less expensive.

Funerals aren’t exactly the kind of get-togethers we enjoy planning for, but that’s one of the necessities of life (and death). By facing the reality, researching your options, and doing some scrupulous price comparisons, you can save yourself and your family a lot of money.

External Links:

• How to Read a GPL - How to read a funeral home's General Price List, from the Funeral Consumers Alliance