The idea of marrying a Russian woman has been rather popular in the last decade or so, after the breakdown of the Soviet Union and the removal of the iron curtain. Unfortunately, there are not only success stories but quite a few disaster stories connected with such relationships and marriages as well. The primary reason of those disasters is that people plunging into this endeavor are either uninformed or misinformed. They believe common stereotypes, miss obvious red flags, and find themselves scammed – or worse, married to a stranger with a questionable character. Let us try to look into it and see what an American man interested in a Russian woman needs to know.

Misconceptions and Stereotypes

First of all, I would suggest that you ask yourself a simple question: why are you thinking about marrying a Russian woman? What is it that you know about them that makes you want to have a Russian wife? Is it the idea that they are all beautiful? Feminine? Family-oriented? Submissive? With traditional values? Is it the notion that they make perfect housewives, doing everything and demanding nothing? Or do you think that she will be eternally grateful to you for saving her from her miserable existence in the FSU and therefore do anything to please you for the rest of your life?

All of the above are common stereotypes. I have heard them all many, many times. It is amazing how persistent they are, despite the fact that there are so many ex-FSU people now living in the US that you would think most of the misconceptions should have been long ago dispelled. These are “good” stereotypes, if we may call them that. There are also some “bad” ones, stating that Russian women marry Americans only for their money and green card, that they are cunning, deceptive, cheating, and are usually gone after the average two years required for permanent residence have passed.

So which ones are true? Universally, none. None of them would fit any randomly picked woman. Russian women come in all possible forms and shapes, with many different mindsets, views, and personalities. It applies to every area of life: work, housekeeping, children. There are Russian women who dream to be housewives, and there are those who cannot imagine their lives without working. Some want children, some don’t. Some will demand housekeeping chores to be equally divided, others will insist that all the chores are their job and won’t let the husband touch the dishes or laundry. The same is true about cheating or staying faithful, being sincere or going after the man’s money and green card. There are honest Russian women who want to build a happy family, and there are dishonest ones (we will talk about them more when we get to scammers).

As you see, stereotypes are not your friends. Talking to someone who knows, dates, or is married to a Russian woman and therefore has some first-hand information might be a better idea, but remember that you will only get one example of one particular woman. Whatever you hear does not mean that all Russian women are exactly like that.

The only recommendation I can give is this: if you decide to pursue a Russian woman, look for one with values and priorities similar to your own. Get to know your woman, her views, character, likes and dislikes as best as you can before marrying. Don’t assume anything. Do not expect her to be this way or that way because you heard that’s the way Russians are. Stereotypes may have some truth in them, but there is no man or woman who would fit them all.

Dating Agencies

Now that the stereotypes are (hopefully) dispelled, let us go on to the process. You know what kind of a woman you want, you are prepared to look for certain qualities rather than focus on nationality. Where do you start? How do you begin your search? Are all those dating agencies safe?

The answer is, no, many of them are not. For an agency, helping American (Western) men to meet women is business, and they will often use less than honest techniques to generate it and keep it going. For example, when a woman has submitted her profile, the agency may send letters of introduction from her to several men, without her even knowing. If the men are interested, they would have to pay to purchase her contact information. Also, since the agency usually provides translation services as well, they may use different tricks to keep the man writing, even if the woman is not really interested. Each e-mail letter can cost from $2.5 to $4 and up, so as long as there is correspondence, the agency is making money. As to whether the man and the woman are a good match, they don’t really care. I know examples of agencies that would “edit” the correspondence, removing things that could hurt their business and adding things that would help it, and even send their own letters their clients never wrote. With the language barrier, such things are not very hard to pull off. Besides, agency owners in Russia know that there is practically no way the client can prosecute them in case they find out about their tricks. They might lose a client, but they will always have many more.

So are there reputable agencies, and how do you find one? The good news is, there are. I recommend using independent sources like RWGuide, a treasury of unbiased information related to the process of dating or marrying Russian women. You will find there hundreds of people directly involved in it, either married, engaged, or pursuing, sharing their experience and always willing to give advice.

Another thing I always recommend is not using the agency translation services. Use the agency to meet women and get their contact information, then find a professional, reputable letter translator. This way you will not only get quality translation (agency translation often leaves much to be desired) but also protect yourself from dishonesty. Good professional translators have strict business ethics codes, they will never consider changing anything in a letter in order to serve their own interests. Will you have to pay more to a professional translator? Sometimes, but not always. You can find a translator charging 1 cent per word, which is not only reasonable compared to agency rates but in many cases even cheaper.

Scammers

Scammers are people who are trying to make some money on the interest so many American men have in Russian women. There are several different types of scammers, and their techniques constantly evolve in the effort to match the growing awareness of the bride seekers. Let us take a closer look at them.

• Scammer Group

A group of scammers is the most primitive type, and the easiest one to identify. They pose as Russian women interested in marrying Western men, join agencies and dating websites, get in touch with the men and write to them long, overly romantic, flattering, “clingy” letters. When they make sure the victim is hooked, they claim that they want to meet in person but do not have money for visa and tickets (the classic Visa & Tickets scam). They use photos of beautiful women who have no idea their pictures are being posted all over the Internet. The letters are usually written in very poor English, often machine-translated, with horrible grammar, but they work amazingly well. There are cases of scammer rings that had made several hundred thousand dollars.

Since scammer rings usually work with very many men, they have no time to write personal letters, carefully read the letters they receive, and answer specific questions. This is the first red flag to note: if you keep getting canned letters that go on and on about how much “she” loves you without answering any of the questions you had asked in your letters, you are probably dealing with scammers.

Another thing to watch out for is heart-wrenching stories of how difficult “her” life is and how hard “she” works to make ends meet. Complaints about high Internet costs and stories about sick relatives who need money for treatment or surgery are very common. Depending on the scammers’ goal, there may or may not be a direct money request, sometimes it is only hints. Here comes the second and the most important warning sign: no honest Russian woman will talk about her financial difficulties or ask you for money, so if your “girlfriend” does that, watch out.

Like I said, scammers constantly update their techniques and invent new ways to convince their “clients” to send money to them. One of these newer tricks is a forged visa: they will scan an actual US visa, change the name to match the name of the “girl” you are supposedly writing to, and send it to you in order to prove that “she” already has her visa and is really coming to see you. Also, they may not ask you to pay for the whole visa & tickets package. “She” will say that “she” has taken all her savings and spent it to get the visa and tickets, but it is still not enough; all she needs is $300 ($350, $400, fill in the blanks) more. Many fall for that: the poor soul has done all she could, now “her” savings are gone, what can you do but help?

You can weed out this type of scammers by asking for “her” phone number (scammers will usually claim that they don’t have a phone) or getting “her” address verified through a local flower delivery service. You can even ask to have a photograph taken when “she” receives the flowers. However, these things will not help with the next type: a scammer who works alone.

• Scammer-loner

Scammer-loner is a real woman who uses her real name and real photographs. That’s why trying to call her or sending flowers will not expose her: she will talk to you on the phone, and happily let the flower delivery person take a picture of her for you. Unlike scammer rings, she will patiently read and answer each letter, making sure her replies are personal and touching. She will not desperately fall in love with you right away (eventually, she will, but not on the third letter). She will tell you all about her family, her loving and hardworking parents, her painful divorce, and her wonderful job of a kindergarten teacher – a job she adores despite the fact that it only pays $40 per month.

She is patient and cunning, and she is a good psychologist. She knows exactly what to say and how to present herself. She will be careful not to scare you off with a quick money request, the correspondence can continue for months before she starts cautiously approaching the subject. She will first drop a hint, subtly mentioning some financial difficulty and maybe even telling you of happily resolving it. If you ignore it, she will let it go. Some time later she will try again. She may even refuse small financial help if you offer it, like helping with Internet costs – only to try and pull off the same old Visa & Tickets trick later.

Once again, remember the rule: Money Request = Dump the Girl. She can make it all look very real, using forged visa or even a fake travel agency website that will confirm her “itinerary.” Do not fall for that. Never send money to anyone you have not met in person. Tell her that you would rather come to Russia to see her yourself and see how fast she will come up with an excuse why she cannot meet you.

• Shopping Spree Scammer

Shopping spree scammer is a variety of a scammer-loner who will go through the trouble of letting you visit her in her home town, and will spend time with you as if she was for real. Her goal is to make you spend as much money on her as possible. Such scammers often have men lined up for several months ahead: one victim leaves, and another arrives. They will have you buy them expensive gifts, take them to nice places, etc., etc. They will do all they can to keep you interested without making any commitments. They might even talk about engagement and marriage, but will never go so far as to begin the fiancée visa paperwork – after all, they are not interested in marrying you. If they can get you to go back home in the happy delusion of having found your love and possibly come to visit them again, they will. If not, they will find an excuse and break the “relationship.”

The only way to protect yourself from such scammers is to keep your eyes open and try to get to know the woman you are writing to as best as you can. An honest Russian woman will be very careful with your money. She will make sure you don’t overspend, she won’t take you to the most expensive shops and restaurants. Even as you are planning your trip, you will notice whether she is trying to keep your expenses down or not.

Another thing you can try is running her full name through anti-scam websites (you can find a list of them at www.rwguide.com), but if she has not yet been caught or reported, that will do nothing.

• GCG

GCG stands for “Green Card Girl.” That is the worst thing that can happen to you, and the hardest type of a scam to avoid. Her goal is to marry you and come to the US, so she will do her best to play the part of a happy loving girlfriend and then fiancée. These are the women who change overnight after their immigration paperwork is submitted. They have recently learned to file false Domestic Violence charges, in which case they are assigned a free lawyer and interpreter, get all kinds of help with the divorce, and their green card is practically guaranteed to them. Yes, despite the fact that their “marriage” has fallen apart, they will not be kicked out of the country.

In order to identify a scammer of this type you will need to learn and read much more than I am able to provide in this one article. Educate yourself as best as you can. Keep your eyes open. Don’t write everything off as cultural differences. If you are suspicious, check things out; there are different resources for that.

I will say in conclusion that while finding a decent Russian woman can be very rewarding, the process of searching has been rightfully called swimming with sharks. Now that you know what those sharks are, you are better prepared to deal with them – if you still wish to go that route.

External Links:

• RWGuide -