More than 44 million Americans are now care givers, meaning that they provide care to adult family members. Most – about 60% - are women. Many of the women fall into what is now being called "the sandwich generation" because they often care for their children who are still at home as well as older relatives. Over half of caregivers have a full-time career outside the home, which adds to the increased levels of fatigue and stress. And, as increasing numbers of the Baby Boom generation age and require care, the number of caregivers will continue to rise.

How To Cope As A Caregiver

Americans who find themselves in the role of caregiver must learn to cope. When care for a spouse, parent, adult child, or other relative becomes necessary, the caregiver often provides the care at their own expense. Care giving can take a great physical and emotional toll on anyone assuming the role. There are things, however, that can help make it easier to serve as a caregiver.

First, learn about the condition or illness. Whether a parent suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease, a spouse from a chronic, debilitating condition, an adult child is developmentally disabled, or someone has a serious medical crisis such as cancer, learn as much as possible about the disease or condition. Be informed and become an expert. Use reputable, reliable sources to learn. Books have been written on many medical issues and there are numerous online sites that spotlight a particular disease or issue.

Support groups for patients and for caregivers exist in many areas. If possible, seek out a physical group in the area or look for one online. It helps to understand the condition, the prognosis, the outlook, and what to expect. It also helps to connect with those who deal with the same illness as caregiver everyday.

Speak up and ask for help. Don’t be bashful. When other family members and friends offer help, accept their offers. Let them run errands, bring groceries, sit with the person who needs care to give caregivers an outing, or any other task that needs doing. Accept an offer to do the laundry or cut the lawn. If possible, consider having a visiting nurse or other health professional that can make daily visits or stop in several times a week.

Keep in contact with friends. Caregivers often become lonely and isolated. Don’t. Stay in touch with friends with phone calls, e-mail, and even letters. Visit as much as possible or invite friends over. Friends can be a lifeline for caregivers to hang onto. They are a link to the outside world, support, a shoulder to lean on, and someone to vent to when needed.

Utilize community resources. If home delivered meals in programs such as Meals-on-Wheels are available, ask to be included. If transportation programs are offered, pick up a schedule and use the service. Look for adult daycare programs, home health services, legal assistance, and other options that can shoulder some of the burden from the caregiver. Begin with an Area Agency on Aging, Eldercare, OATS, or other local services.

Stay on track and keep a life. There’s a huge difference between self-sacrifice and loving care. Be sure to avoid self-sacrifice. Don’t give up everything else to become a caregiver. Maintain other relationships. Spouses often suffer when the other spouse becomes a full-time caregiver for a parent. Children of sandwich generation mothers often suffer too. Strive for a balance between all the important people in your life and leave room for yourself. Take time for an occasional outing or a long bubble bath or to take in a movie. Stroll through the park. In short, live for yourself once in awhile.

Avoid neglect. Be sure to keep your own medical appointments, to get an annual flu shot, to have regular hair cuts, and to get enough rest. Caregivers often fail to maintain their own necessary care with disastrous results. Stay healthy. Get the rest and care that you need even if it means hiring someone to help out.

Don’t become a mirror image of the person you care for. Caregivers often merge into a lifestyle much like that of the person they care for. Don’t wear pajamas just because the patient or person does. Encourage them to get out and interact as much as possible. Don’t allow yourself to drift into a trap where your life is as limited as the person you are caring for.

If depression, anxiety, or tensions are too great, ask for help. Explain to your physician what your duties are and how you feel. If necessary, he or she can prescribe an antidepressant or mild tranquilizer to make life a little smoother.

Do celebrate the good times. Savor the moments when a relative with Alzheimer's Disease recognizes you or enjoys something from the past. Take strength and pleasure from the good days of a terminal patient. Live in the moment and enjoy the best ones.

Normal Feelings And How To Handle Them

Caregivers find that the task of becoming a main support and care provider for someone else takes a huge emotional toll. It’s common for caregivers to experience bouts of crying, to feel panic, exhaustion, or other strong emotions. Don’t feel guilty – emotions are normal and it’s best to identify and express them.

Common emotions that cause caregivers difficulties include guilt. Caregivers often feel that they could or should do more, that they are not giving as much as possible. Whether it’s time, physical care, emotional support, or household chores, many caregivers feel a deep sense of guilt. If they are impatient, hurried, or short with the person they care for, guilt can become intense and a difficult burden to carry. Although it’s a natural response to the overwhelming task of care giving, it’s not necessary. Realize that you feel guilty, remember that many things – such as the patient’s condition – are beyond your control, and focus on the things that you do accomplish.

Another common feeling is anger. It is okay to be angry that someone you love is sick, that he or she needs constant care, that your life has been turned upside down, and that other family members are not shouldering their part of the load. It’s emotionally healthy to rail against a fate you don’t like – someone with a terminal illness. As long as you don’t hurt anyone else (feelings or physically) with your anger, anger is natural. If anger becomes a major issue, it may be time to seek therapy. Suppressed anger is not healthy and could lead to health problems that would complicate being a caregiver. It is not beneficial to anyone involved when the caregiver requires care.

Fear is another emotion that many caregivers must face. Caregivers are afraid of the prognosis of the illness, afraid of complications, and afraid of dealing with the daily difficulties. Caregivers sometimes fear they will not be able to deal with future events or even the daily tasks required. Fear is another emotion that is normal but one that must be faced and put to rest, or removed to a manageable level.

Caregivers often find that they mourn the loss of the person before they needed full-time care. A spouse or parent that suffers from Alzheimer’s is not the same loving person that the caregiver remembers. Someone terminally ill or suffering a chronic condition is also not the same. Feeling strong emotions for the loss are also quite normal.

Caregivers should never feel ashamed of their emotions. It is far better to feel than to be cold and without feelings.

If you find yourself in the role of a caregiver, be knoweledgeable. Be patient and allow time for yourself. The right combination of actions can make the experience of providing care the ultimate for everyone involved.