What makes a cat shy and timid?

Some cats are timid by nature, others have formed a shy personality because of their upbringing and life experience. If a cat has grown up in a quiet home with little or no visitors, it will be cautious around new people. I know of a cat who is fine and relaxed with its owners but runs and hides the moment anyone else comes in, and stays in the hiding place until the stranger leaves. Stray cats who have been chased or abused remember that for a long time, and it takes a lot of efforts to earn their trust. That’s why it is always easier to adopt a kitten: kittens are curious about the world, their memory is a blank page. Fill it with love and play, give them no reason to be afraid of you, and you will make a friend quickly and easily. Not so with adult cats, especially those who have been through some hard times.

Introducing yourself

Unless you are adopting a stray, you will be taking your new pet either from a shelter, a foster home, or, if the cat is purebred, from a breeder. In either case the people who have been taking care of the cat will tell you about its personality and warn you if it tends to be shy and needs a gentler approach. You will need to give it some time to get used to you. It is good to begin with petting it, or, if the cat won’t allow you to, playing with a toy. A string works best. Most cats who love playing immediately focus on the string and forget who is moving it. Some time later, the person they have been playing with will be less of a stranger.

Try not to let the cat know right away that you are taking it. It will scare them. I had made that mistake with my cat Beanie when I came to pick him up from the pet shelter. When I had entered the room, Beanie was lying on his perch and seemed perfectly at ease. He let me pet him, started purring, and even rolled over inviting me to rub his tummy. I thought we were getting along great, so I picked him up to carry him out of the kitty room to the office, where the pet carrier waited (you don’t want to let the cat see the carrier). As soon as he was in my arms, Beanie felt threatened; he broke free and ran away. My further attempts to come near him failed. He seemed to be thinking, “She is after me, I know it now!” The shelter workers could not catch him, either. I had to wait for over an hour for him to calm down enough to be tempted by some canned food and come close to me.

The trip home

When the kitty is finally in the carrier, the most stressful part begins for them, even if it is only a short drive to your house. Most cats will meow and cry all the way, and understandably so: you know you are taking them to a nice place where they will be loved and taken care of, but they don’t. What the poor kitty is thinking is probably something like, “They’ve got me, oh goodness, THEY’VE GOT ME!!!” They feel trapped, and they are frightened. It is best to keep talking to them in a calm, reassuring voice on the way home, but resist the temptation to stick your fingers into the carrier and try to touch the cat. Very likely, it is going to be perceived as another threat. The cat does not yet know you and has no idea what you are going to do to it. It will eventually understand that you mean no harm, but not right away.

The first several days

When you arrive home, you will probably discover that the carrier the kitty hated so much to be in is now its safe haven: when you open the door, they may not want to come out. If that happens, let them be. Go ahead and do things you normally do around the house, don’t push the cat out. When left alone, it will eventually calm down and venture out – probably to hide under the nearest bed or couch. That’s what my cat did, and he had spent there about a week, venturing out only at night to eat and use the litter box.

The most important thing during this time is to be patient. Remember, the cat does not know what’s going on and whether it can trust you. You may feel like it has made up its mind to hide forever, but that is not so. The cat will be watching you, gathering information, and analyzing your behavior.

If you have other pets, you should have the new cat isolated from them. Unless you are absolutely sure that your other cat is an angel who will do everything to make the new one feel safe and welcome (yes, there are cats like that), it would be better to keep them apart. Have a separate room prepared for the new cat, with a separate bowl and a litter box. Even then, the new cat will be able to smell other pets, which will probably make the adjustment time even longer.

There may be some litter box accidents during the first days. Do not punish the cat, it is not doing it on purpose. They are very stressed out, and stress often results in such accidents. Perhaps the cat was in the litter box when it heard you coming, and it had gotten scared. You might want to call the previous owner / caretaker to check whether the cat had ever failed to use the litter box before. More than likely, it hadn’t, and things will get back to normal when the cat relaxes a bit.

If the cat hides, place the food bowl and water bowl close to their hiding place. Later on, you can gradually move the bowls a little farther away. When you enter the room, do not immediately focus your attention on the cat or try to get it out. Just do whatever you have come to do, it will let the cat know that, once again, you are not after them. You can gently talk to them as you do things, it is good for the cat to get used to your voice. If the cat meows back, keep talking. It’s a sign that it wants to communicate, and probably wants to venture out but needs some more reassurance.

I will never forget the moment when Beanie had first come out from under the bed in response to my calling him. I had been folding laundry and talking to him when he had begun meowing back. We played the “Kitty-kitty” – “Meow” game for awhile, then I knelt next to the bed, still talking to him. At last, very hesitantly, he stepped out. I knew reaching my hand to him would probably scare him, so I didn’t. He waited a little, and came close to me on his own. Then I petted him, and what a purring machine he turned out to be!

The first several weeks

With a timid cat, adjustment to the new home will take not days but weeks, or even months. There can be temporary relapses into hiding. Don’t worry about those, they will pass. Even if the cat had begun to trust you, you will notice that there are still things that make it nervous, and there are still limits the cat sets for you. You can touch it, but not pick it up. You can pick it up, but not carry around. As you prove to be a friend, those limits will be gradually removed.

Usually, timid cats are not timid at all with their owners. They will play, wrestle, cuddle, and do other things other cats do. It just takes them a little longer to open up, that’s all.