With the advent of videogames, fast foods and more after school activities than ever before, eating at an actual dining table has become an uncommon thing for America’s youth. Common courtesy at the dining table has become an even more uncommon thing in American society today. The following three tips can be applied at any dining table, even one at your local pizza joint, to make your mealtimes far more enjoyable. Modeling these behaviors and teaching them to your children will eliminate much mealtime stress and make these times quality times for you and your family.

Napkins

Does your child know how to use a napkin? Does your child know the difference between a napkin and a tissue? What about the difference between a napkin and a bib? Contrary to popular belief, the napkin should never be tucked into your collar, shirt or belt. The napkin, whether made of cloth or paper, should be opened carefully and laid on one’s lap prior to starting the meal! This should never be done with flourish, as though you are hosting an inexpensive magic show. Snapping a cloth napkin across the table or over one’s plate is unacceptable mealtime behavior for both adults and children alike. You should also remember that the napkin is not a washcloth and shouldn’t be used in the same manner as a washcloth. Dab to clean up the messy spots, but please don’t do the ridiculously affected dab. It just is not as cute as you might think and it doesn’t exactly teach the children how to behave at a polite table. When you are finished with your meal, don’t crumple up the napkin and throw it into your dirty plate. Simply place it carefully to the left of your plate so as not to spill any crumbs or anything else you might have dropped in your lap during the meal. If you have to leave the table temporarily, in the middle of the meal, remember to leave your napkin on your chair so that the server will know that you’ll be returning. By modeling these behaviors with the napkin, your children will learn to be tidy eaters and may just save you that extra sweeping under the dining room table!

When to Start

So many people forget the common courtesy of waiting until everyone at the table has a meal before beginning to eat. There is nothing ruder than beginning to eat when others at the table don’t have food in front of them yet. If you’re eating with a large number of people it may not make sense to wait until the 100th person has been served. However, courtesy would demand that when sitting down to eat with a small family, you wait until everyone has been seated and served before digging in. Another common occurrence in the average American family these days is the child who wolfs down his meal and then runs off to play a video game or hang out with friends rather than taking advantage of this quality time with his family.

Luckily, you aren’t likely to have to wait long in a restaurant for everyone in your party to be served. Timing of a meal is not generally an issue in a restaurant as servers and cooks work very carefully to ensure that everyone at a table is served at the same time. At home, however, there is more often than not somebody that is still serving the meal while everyone else has begun eating or even finished and left! Some thanks it is to prepare and serve a meal only to find that there isn’t anything left to eat by the time you finally sit down at the table! Of course, if the hostess or the person serving the meal insists that you begin without them then you should do so. If not, take your cue from the host/hostess and begin eating when they do. Children will follow the cues given to them by the adults present. If they don’t, they should be gently reminded to do so.

Boarding House Reach

Have you ever been eating at a table and had someone reach across, between your meal and yourself, to grab the salt? Or how about the child that climbs up on the table to reach past you for more bread? (Or the child that dives into your plate to eat your French fries uninvited!) These are situations that one should never encounter at a meal but are unfortunately very common today. The “Boarding House Reach” is an extremely unpopular trend that is likely to insure that your child is never invited back to little Bobby’s house for dinner. Put simply: don’t do it yourself and don’t let them do it. You should never be in so much of a hurry that you can’t simply say to the person closest to the salt: “Would you pass the salt, please?” (Please don’t forget to say thank you!) "Would you please pass..." is a simple phrase that can be modified for anything at the table that you may need.

When one is asked to pass something, they should do so carefully and involve as many people at the table as are necessary to avoid reaching across another diner. It makes no sense for Mom to be polite and ask to be passed the salt only to have little Jimmy pass the salt right through the gap between Dad’s fork and his mouth! Passing a pitcher or a gravy boat in a way so as to make the handle convenient for the receiver to grab is generally the best way to go. Passing a piping hot gravy boat spout first makes for an awkward pass. When passing a hot dish to someone, it is best to set the dish down on the table near them so as not to have them burn themselves trying to take it out of your hands. (In such cases, a little common sense can go a long way.) Of course, when your children are small, it is best to teach them these lessons by asking them to pass salt, pepper, ketchup or something equally simple. Remember that the best way to teach your child something is to be a good role model. Rather than watching your spouse reach across the table for a dish, simply say “Let me help you with that” and pass them the item they are reaching for and remember to ask them to pass you any item you may need as well. The rule here is simply to model courtesy in order to teach courtesy.

A family meal around a dining room table can be a great experience where everyone discusses what they’ve done during the day and what they’ll do tomorrow. It can be a wonderful time to bond as a family and teach your child valuable lessons. Just don’t forget the very basic lessons of how to conduct oneself at that table.