Online dating services have been around for at least ten years and by now, nearly everyone who has ever been single has tried online dating at least once. Some singles have actually met with success, fallen in love with the man or woman of their dreams and lived happily ever after (as far as we know). Others have become frustrated or disillusioned and given up or simply moved on to finding other ways of meeting potential partners.

Online dating isn’t much different than any other kind of dating really. You meet someone, are attracted to him or her, and start a relationship—or not. The primary difference with an online dating service is in the way you meet other singles and communicate initially. In the case of most online dating services, you look at pictures of potential mates, you email them, you talk, you meet, and you decide to move forward or start over and try again. In some respects, finding and cultivating a relationship is like a full time job.

Online dating can be a great way to meet other singles wanting the same kind of relationship you do, whether it’s romance, friendship, or a fling. As with any other kind of dating relationship, there are usually pitfalls to avoid along the way. Here’s how to successfully navigate your way through the beginning stages of online dating and eliminate partners who may not be right for you.

Avoid Lengthy Email Exchanges

Don’t waste time emailing potential dates for weeks on end. The more quickly you meet in person, the more quickly you can eliminate that “prospect” or begin to develop a relationship. If, after a few email exchanges, you think you might like the other person get his or her phone number and speak on the phone. This will reveal a lot about the other person. Based on your conversation you can decide whether to meet in person and find out if there is a mutual attraction.

Meet in Person as Soon as Possible

People tend to exaggerate certain qualities about themselves and photos can be misleading. He may have used a photo from ten years ago without the gray hair he’s currently sporting. She might have used a photo taken about 20 pounds ago. Both men and women tend to lie about their age, while women tend to lie about their weight and men tend to exaggerate their incomes and height.

Listen Carefully

When you meet face to face and decide you like each other enough to plan for date #2, do the following: Go home and carefully evaluate the date. Studies show that potential mates know within 15 seconds whether they “click” or not. Pay attention to body language and what he or she said. It may seem like you are spoiling the “magic,” but it’s worth it if it saves you months of wasted time.

Believe him if he says he’s not looking for a serious relationship. He’s not. But watch out, sometimes someone may say they are looking for a serious relationship because they just want to have someone to sleep with. Do you really like the other person or are you so desperate for a relationship that you overlook inappropriate behavior or incompatibilities?

Discuss Important Values

Sometime during the first three dates, decide on three to five values or beliefs that are important to you and that you wouldn’t compromise on. Make a point to discuss important topics such as religion--especially if you want children, (Do you want any? Does he or she?), previous marriages or relationships, and future goals. For example, if one of you is well established in your career and the other wants to go to graduate school in the near future, how would you feel about this?

Red Flags

1. Constant references to an ex-spouse or partner or a female friend that seems a little too special might mean that there is something else going on and he or she may not be emotionally available—at least not right now.

2. Men and women who are newly separated after a long marriage or relationship should be treated with caution. The same goes for anyone embroiled in a nasty divorce or custody battle. That is not to say they wouldn’t be a good partner for you in the future or are not serious about a new relationship, but how long do you want to wait while the other person sorts out her life?

3. Beware of men (or women) who only give out their cell phone number. True, these days many people do only have a cell phone and not a landline phone, but they probably do have a job and a work number. Always get a home number, or at the very least a work number, by the second or third date--if it gets that far of course.

4. If either party mentions the word s-e-x in any form--noun, verb, adverb, or adjective--during your first conversation (either on the phone or in person) he or she is only looking for a fling. If this is what you want you’ve met your match, if not, be flattered that he or she thinks you’re a hot commodity, but don’t waste your time.

5. Displaying age inappropriate behaviors are another red flag. Staying out all night clubbing or hanging out with 20-something year olds when you are in your 40s indicates a degree of immaturity.

6. Someone who calls frequently (several times a day) or wants to see you several times a week at the start of a relationship is probably bad news. Either they are so eager for a relationship that they don’t care who they are dating or they are needy and insecure.

7. Beware of the serial dater. One of the problems with online dating is the opportunity to have hundreds of men and women to choose from. Many men and women get caught up in the “there’s always something better around the corner” mentality.

8. And last but not least, for all the women out there...When he says, “I’ll call you,” IGNORE it. He probably won’t. If he really wanted to see you again, he’d make plans to do so at the end of your first date.