The Baby Boomer generation is getting older. There have been lots of marriages and kids along the way...and divorces as well. In fact this generation made divorce very much "en vogue." This leaves a lot of people lonely in their later years. And, they start looking for someone. This is the smart way to approach the process of searching.
In prior decades most people at least thought they were marrying for keeps. Now it is estimated that some 50% of all marriages end in divorce. And if the fast-paced Hollywood set is held up as an example it is nothing to get married several times with kids from more than one spouse. And having kids outside the bonds of marriage is no longer a stigma or a problem.
So, with these dubious trend-setters to emulate, Baby Boomers have certainly flexed their “independence muscles.” As this massive group of humanity approaches their late 50’s and early 60’s many have found themselves alone, having gotten divorced at least once and often for a second or third time. And since most people don’t want to grow old by themselves they are back in the dating scene and find it very much different than they remember in their high school and college years. Since many people consider their past marriages a “mistake,” they don’t want more of the same. Dating, particularly at an older age, can be frightening. Fortunately, there are several tips to make the experience more meaningful and successful.
On The Rebound
How long has it been since a divorce or relationship? This is an important consideration because people act differently depending on the length of time since the split up. For example, there is a sense of desperation to find someone, even if it isn’t the right type of person. The rule of thumb is the longer the better. In fact, many women recognize this problem and come right out and ask how long it has been. If a marriage or serious relationship is less than 2 years ago they won’t date that person. No one wants to be the “rebound victim.”
Nobody’s Perfect
Don’t expect perfection. This is so true, especially concerning Baby Boomers. As a person gets older gravity takes over and things start to sag, and it is easier than ever to add weight. While it is true that a certain amount of plastic surgery can do wonders, the process of getting older is unrelenting. You’re probably on some sort of medication (high cholesterol, blood pressure, diabetes, etc.). And although you won’t admit it, you aren’t as athletic as you used to be. Also, your author has yet to find anyone in this age bracket who likes to see themselves nude in the mirror. So, accept these imperfections in yourself and in others. Actually at this age people tend to look for something physically interesting in the other person and it becomes attractive. People also look for someone they can talk to. The young girls in Playboy Magazine who are airbrushed to a “t” no longer hold the appeal they once did.
Don’t Rob The Cradle
Having said the foregoing, some people seem to want to rob the cradle and date partners who are decades younger. One reason is that it makes them feel young. But what does the other person really see in you? Could it be money perhaps? Unless you’re going to Vegas and you want a young plaything on your arm this dating scheme really has no future. And what are you going to share besides sex? Music, art, philosophic discussions? I doubt it. The younger crowd has never heard of Andy Williams and Brenda Lee and they don’t even read the newspaper. So don’t embarrass yourself. Keep your date within 10 to 15 years of your own age and things will have a much better chance of working out.
The First Date
The safest first date is to meet for either coffee, lunch or dinner. It is easier to have conversation over a good meal and it is a non-threatening environment. To take someone you haven’t even met to a movie or a concert perhaps is risky. And you’ll find out a good deal more about them in a couple of hours at a restaurant than anywhere else. Speaking of conversation, stay away from talking too much about yourself, and whatever you do, don’t unload problems. The other person doesn’t want to hear them. It is still OK and acceptable if the man pays for the night out. You can reciprocate later on with a home-cooked meal or something. Oh, and stay away from the bar scene on a first date. More about that later.
What’s Special About Baby Boomers?
Remember, nearly all of the people you meet in this age bracket have kids. Most are grown and on their own. And many will have grand kids. So that will probably be a subject of discussion. If your relationship becomes more permanent you will be marrying into another family with all those good and not-so-good dynamics. And almost everyone has some type of emotional “baggage.” People have lived a lot of life and it hasn’t all been a bed of roses. If you realize that going in you’ll be way ahead of the dating game.
It’s Been A Long Time
Perhaps it has been years since you’ve been on a so-called date. It will probably seem a little silly and awkward. That’s natural. Pretend the other person is just a friend you’re meeting and that might take some of the pressure off. Remember, the other person is probably feeling just a nervous and unsure as you are. And, you can admit it if you like. People like to know that the other person has real feelings and emotions.
How To Find Someone
Bars were mentioned earlier. This is the worst possible place to meet someone unless you are happy with a one night stand. Everyone is overselling themselves. And liquor clouds judgment. There isn’t a sorrier scene than a bunch of bar stools filled with an older crowd that wants to be young again. Leave the bar scene to the young kids who are “hooking up.” There are better places. Public places such as an art gallery, supermarket, or mall have some possibilities. And there is always church. But you might want to take advantage dating services, especially on the internet. There are lots of bona fide online matchmaking services. You can see a photo or perhaps a video clip of another person, read a bio about him or her and see what you have in common. Then you chat online before going any further. It is an effective screening process.
What To Watch Out For
If it sounds too good it probably is. It is typical of people to exaggerate. So perhaps you want to not accept everything that is said at face value. Just be a little cautious. One thing you want to be sure of is the other person married. You would be surprised, for example, of how many married men want the thrill of dating again. So ask a direct question – are you married? Some will admit it. Another cop-out answer is to say, “well we’re separated.” That is a red flag. There are other ways of checking the other person out. Get a business card. If the other person owns a home you can go online to your county assessor’s office and pull up their name to see if they’re for real. Also, keep in mind that dating is still what it used to be – trial and error. No getting around it. So don’t be discouraged if it takes a little time meeting someone right for you. After all, you didn’t buy every car you test drove did you?
When To Have Sex
The answer is probably not on the first date unless, once again, you’re both so horny that you can’t wait and don’t mind if it is a one night stand. It is much better getting to know the other person and become comfortable. It could be a little awkward and you’ll feel especially vulnerable. Again, it probably will have been a long time for both of you so it is OK to admit it. And the first time may not be the best sex you have ever had but it will probably be more comfortable.
Don’t Go Back
Keep those memories in the past. What you experienced as a teenager can’t be repeated. It was another time and place. This is “now.” And try not to compare your new partner to a previous spouse. This is a new chapter in your life so take it as such.
Finally, Is It Happily Ever After?
Unless you’re a hermit you won’t want to be alone in your later years. This time you will want something that works. And with all the advances in nutritional education and medicine, people are living a lot longer. It could be that this final chapter in your life will be for a good many years – 20, 30 years? There is a Frank Sinatra favorite, “The Second Time Around.” Indeed a second “twilight” love can be better than ever.