Tom Cruise recently went on Oprah, jumping up and down, declaring his love for Katie Holmes for all the world to hear. I’m sure that some women watching that thought, "Wow. Where can I find a man like that?"

In spite of the millions and movie star status, what those women were really focusing on was the fact that Tom Cruise was willing to make love the most important thing in his life, eager to share it with anyone who would listen.

Such attention from a loved one is craved, dreamed about by many women. If they are already in a relationship, this could be a surefire signal that they are not getting the love that they need and it’s time to look for someone new. If the woman is not in a relationship, it’s time for them to find that love they deserve!

The Three Week Marker

When we first start dating someone, the first three weeks are key. That’s the exciting time – the hunt (will he/she like me), the conquest (he/she does like me!), and the exploration of your new friend (what does he/she think about everything that’s ever happened to them).

Often, in the first three weeks, it will be the woman that’s slightly hesitant. She may be just out of a relationship that didn’t work and guarding her heart a bit more carefully. It’s usually the man who will be initiating the time they spend together.

With the right amount of calling and attention, the man might be able to break through the women’s initial resistance to love. Unfortunately, it’s often at the three week point that the man will suddenly come to his senses and realize that he’s begun a relationship which, when he thinks about it intellectually, he doesn’t really want. Why would he want to give up his freedom?

How to Get Past the Three Week Marker

This is a confusing time for the woman. Often you’ll here a woman in this position say, "I didn’t even like him that much to begin with. But he kept calling and... well, he grew on me. How can I make him love me?"

Women, if you hear these words come out of your mouth, STOP. Listen to what you’re saying.

1. You were barely attracted to him to begin with.

2. He grew on you because he gave you a lot of attention.

3. How can you make him love you?

Let’s start with point #3. The fact is this – you can never, I repeat, never force someone to love you, so don’t even try. Even if it works for awhile, it will not last and the first woman that comes along that brings up real feelings in your man will take him away from you. Much more painful than just letting him go in the beginning.

That brings us to the solution – at the three week point, be prepared to ask your man if you are exclusive. Do this at his house - there is a reason for this.

If he’s ready for a relationship, he will answer favorably and you’ve made it past the three week point with (unnatural) flying colors. Okay, it’s possible. Some people meet at the right place and right time. But if he gives the typical response, which is he’s not really ready for a relationship, here’s what you do...

What to Say When He Says He Doesn't Want a Relationship

You say, "Alright, I understand. It’s been wonderful getting to know you these past three weeks, month, etc. But I won’t be able to see you anymore. I’m looking for a relationship and we’re not a match."

Say this without tears, drama, or (if you’re really good) inflection. Then leave.

The man will not know what hit him.

A Typical Reaction

The thing is, most men are used to women not believing them. The man very clearly states his position, the woman chooses to ignore it, thinking she can change him. She stays, feels used, and the man is guilt-free because, as he figures, he stated his position clearly.

The Correct Reaction

Don’t be that woman! The man will not respect you and will never, ever fall in love with you. Man or woman, we all want the best deal for ourselves this life has to offer. It’s only with a little discipline that we learn respect.

So, Now What?

Alright, he told you he didn’t want a relationship and you left. Now, you wait. Or, in layman’s terms, get on with your life. Put the word out that you’re back on the market and open to date. Even better if the word can get back to your former flame.

Some people call this playing games.

It is. But there are two alternatives – stay with him and be a doormat, knowing he’s dating half the town or leave him and know that if he really, really likes you, eventually he will come around.

And he will. Let’s just hope he does it in time.

When He Comes to You

If he invested all that time in a great woman, he’s going to miss you as much as you miss him. But sometimes, it takes quite a long time for a man to decide he was wrong. That playing the field wasn’t nearly as satisfying as hanging out with you. It’s at this point where he’ll get back in touch. Unfortunately, this might happen as long as a year after the fact.

A year?! What kind of a man would wait a year?! You’d be surprised. There are a lot of them.

I have a beautiful, smart, sexy friend that every man wants to date. Then, they date her, she falls in love, they pull the three week nonsense, and she has to let them go. Every single one of those men has come back. Unfortunately, she hasn’t really been in love with any of them – she just thought she was. Because by the time they come back, she’s over them.

If you’re over your man by the time he comes back, that answers that question. He was not The One, or even The Two. It shouldn’t matter, though, because you have a full social life. There should plenty of other men who freaked out at three weeks waiting in the wings.

One More Chance

At some point, one of the guys that you thought you were in love with will come back and you’ll find yourself right back where you started – in love. This is very, very good. By now, he’s ready, you’re ready, and the relationship can begin.

Just be certain to lay down the law right away. Before the first kiss, be certain you’re on the same page. Tell him you’re still looking for a relationship. Tell him he hurt your feelings the first time he left and he better not do it again. If there’s any hesitation on his part, cut him loose and tell him never to get in touch with you again.

But if he answers favorably, that he's sorry and he's ready to be with you, you’re both on your way to enjoying the best thing relationships can offer - honest communication, trust, and love.

In Love

Now that you’re with the man you wanted, learn from the past but be in the present. The fear of commitment is a natural thing; if you hang on to that time where you were apart, you could ruin what you have in the present. Forgive that time of confusion and open yourself up to the glorious gift of love.