Myspace, Friendster, AOL Instant Messenger, MSN Instant Messenger, Yahoo Instant Messenger, chat rooms galore – all great ways to keep in touch with pals and make new friends. But, are you spending too much time in cyberspace and ignoring the “Real World?”
Most people need social interaction in order to thrive as human beings. This can be debatable for some, but several theories and philosophies that have evolved over time drive this point home. We need to feel loved, wanted and accepted by someone or a group of people to feel a portion of our self-worth. So, we rely on others for certain satisfactions - whether they are physical or mental – and always find a way to involve ourselves with other people. If we didn’t, than friends, marriage, organizations, businesses and groups would not exist. And neither would e-communities, chat rooms or instant messaging.
E-communities have been around for some time, and are an ever growing trend. And, they can be very beneficial for people. They allow us to keep up with our family and friends, and also give us an outlet to share our artistic side by posting art, writings or just our day to day thoughts. They are a great way to express ourselves and gain attention on different levels; but, how do you gage if your e-community, chat room and IM behavior is healthy, or when it goes too far?
The benefits of e-communities, chat rooms and IM’s.
These sources of communication are a great way to do a number of things, and can be a healthy outlet for you in the following conditions:
Keeping in touch with friends and family. Whether your friends and family live in the same town or 3,000 miles away, it is always great to keep in touch with them. And doing this in the forum of e-communities like Myspace and Friendster, chat rooms and IMs is great. E-communities allows you to see new pictures that don’t clog your e-mail box, read blogs about what is going on in their lives and respond or comment on each thing they wish to share with you. Chat rooms and IM technology lets you chat real time, just like a phone conversation, but without the large phone bill. All three can save time, money and keep you up to date with what is going on at your convenience.
Promoting your business or service. E-community Web space allows you to promote your business or service to thousands of people who are also e-community members. Not only can you pick up some greatly needed business, but you can make friends, who will in turn spread the word about what you can provide. All you have to do is update your space consistently and provide great service, and the rest speaks for itself.
Getting feedback. E-communities and chat rooms are a great way to get feedback on any venture you may want critiqued. This is especially helpful if you are a writer, artist, in advertising or a product or service-related business. Many individuals rely on this form of communication in order to keep their project moving forward or make some much needed changes along the way.
Meeting new friends. Yes, e-communities and chat rooms are also great ways to meet new friends with similar backgrounds and interests. More and more people are making love connections, best friends and business partners online. While there are precautions (which will be discussed later), this can be a legitimate way for you to find others that you have a lot in common with.
On the other hand – knowing when you are in too deep.
While there are several great reasons to join e-communities, chat rooms and use IMs - one can take it too far. Here are some situations that can clue you in to when you or a loved one is abusing these forms of communication:
You spend more than a few hours a day chatting. If you are spending two hours a day or more logged into chat rooms and e-communities, it is likely that you are losing grasp of the real world. While it is great to meet new friends online, don’t forget the ones you have in the here and now.
You are chatting online during work hours. Many of us may check out our e-community page or turn on our IM during lunch, and that is fine as long as your company allows it; but if you are instant messaging or keeping your e-community page up all day during work hours, you are definitely going too far. This sort of behavior not only makes you less productive at work – the chime of the IM or new message sound is often disruptive – but it is a sign that you are relying on these sorts of communication to get you through the day.
You are chatting all night, every night. If your spouse says goodnight and you are still online, this may be another sign that you are stuck in a virtual reality. Allowing your computer communication to take precedence over your family and friends who like to spend “real” time with you is not only a shame, but it’s also a form of abuse.
You have dual personalities – real life and online. Since nobody can actually see you on a computer (unless you are hooked up to a webcam), you may be enticed to make yourself sound better than what you think you are. Little white lies grow and grow, and before you know it, your online life is a fantasy world. This is completely unhealthy for a few reasons – first, it allows you to pretend you are someone you wish to be without you taking initiative to become that person for real; and second, it makes you a liar. If you find yourself falling in this pattern, it’s time to get help.
Your “online” friends are all you talk about. This is another big clue that your online life is becoming way too “real” for you. While many of us do meet great people online, they shouldn’t always be the subject of our discussions. Don’t take real life for granted, or you may find yourself without real friends and family.
Your online relationships are more intimate than your real ones. If you are engaging in sexual situations with online lovers while you have a spouse or mate that you share your life with, then you are cheating. Many people try to justify having sexual relationships online, saying that it isn’t real since you aren’t touching anyone; but it is very real, and a lot of the time, the cause for a divorce or nasty break up. If this is something you are doing behind someone else’s back, you are a liar and a cheater, and you better come clean or stop the behavior before it’s too late.
You are meeting your “virtual” friends without back up. Again, many great friends met online – but you never know who you are meeting until you are face to face. Frequently meeting online friends that you know nothing about is a very dangerous thing to do – you could easily put yourself into a very scary, or even deadly, position. It’s best not to do it at all, but if you do, be careful.
It may be hard to admit that your online behavior is unhealthy, but it is important to do it now than be sorry later. Come clean, forgive yourself and be sure to prevent yourself from falling into these same patterns again by:
Removing IM software from your business computer.
Blocking e-community Web sites from your business computer.
Setting a timer for an hour or less when you sit down at the computer. When it rings, close down the computer.
Finding “real” world organizations and groups that you can participate in.
Preventing yourself from participating in online flirting – if someone flirts with you, immediately block them.
Keep weekly in-town family and friend dates to spend time away from home.
If you are still unable to participate in healthy online chatting, seek professional help. There are several counselors in your area that can help you deal with online abuse, and can provide you with all the resources you need to maintain a healthy online attitude.
Going the extra mile – protect yourself
No matter if you are a seasoned online chatter or a newbie - you should always protect yourself when talking to others. Here are a few things you should always do when online:
NEVER give out personal information online
Don’t flirt with anyone, or if you do, be aware it could turn into a bad situation.
Change your passwords frequently.
If an online discussion becomes ugly, avoid or block that person.
If you receive a harassing e-mail or chat, save it and send it to the chat room webmaster and your internet service provider.
If it continues, do not visit the chat room or e-community again –remove your profile and page immediately.
If the person who harassed you continues to do so and has your personal information, immediately go to the police.
Never arrange to meet someone online without telling your family and friends and asking one or two people to tag along.