There are many stresses faced within the military family life. With deployments, relocations, advancements, and all the other normal stresses a family faces, living within the confines of the military can cause conflicts within the family. This article will discuss many of the normal processes a family goes through when facing some of the more stressful processes in the military, as well as addressing some of the resources available to theses families.

Deployments

One of the more stressful times a military family faces is the military deployment. When a loved one is going to be leaving the family for an extended period of time, there are many arrangements to be made. With one less spouse to help around the house, to assist in emergencies, or just to provide basic moral support, life, at times, can be quite hectic. There can be many financial problems that can arise that a spouse may be ill-equipped to deal with. A conflict in regards to a bill often cannot be handled if it is in the deployed spouses’ name. Many such conflicts such as this can arise while a spouse is deployed, and arrangements need to be made ahead of time for these instances.

It can be very hard to say goodbye. The weeks preceding a deployment can strain a relationship. There is often a honeymoon type period, wherein a couple tries to make up for lost time ahead of time. There is also a period of bickering immediately preceding the deployment. This is often caused by anger experienced by the spouse that is being left behind. It is often a subconscious ploy to deal with letting go. The deploying spouse may also be anxious, and feeling a bit of trepidation towards the upcoming deployment. They wonder if their family will be ok without them there to help, and they may fear that their family will be ok, making them feel less valuable.

As hard as it is to say goodbye, saying hello can be just as stressful. While it is exciting to think of a spouse that has been gone for a long period of time coming home, it can also be an anxious time. Many couples experience a long period of adjustment which can be very difficult. The deployed spouse has to adjust to the daily routine and schedule of the household again. The stay-at-home spouse has been doing it all themselves the entire time, and has to adjust to having someone around to help out. It can sometimes be difficult for a spouse to let go of some of the control they have had for so long, and allow the deployed spouse to take over some of the control again.

Relocations, Advancements, Re-enlisting, And Cross-rating: Playing the Waiting Game

Much of military life is about waiting: Waiting for advancement results, waiting for new orders, waiting to cross-rate, etc. It can be difficult not knowing from one day to the next what’s going to happen. Yet, this is how much of military life is spent. A person could drive themselves crazy with all the “what ifs.” Most of the waiting has to do with advancements and re-enlistments.

Advancements can mean many things to a military families. It can be as simple as meaning more money and more respect. It can also mean relocating, changes in ratings (cross-rating), or changes in work hours. Advancement can be difficult in a rating (job field) that is over-full, which could mean cross-rating (changing job fields) for the military member. This will mean attending a school that may be across the country from their family for as many as six months. Once school is finished, the military member will be required to look at orders again, which could mean relocation. If a military member does advance to a position that is full for that particular duty station, they may end up being “traded” to another duty station, which could mean relocation for the family. Waiting for advancement results can be stressful, especially in a situation in which it will mean a major change for the family.

Re-enlisting can be very confusing for families. The decision to re-enlist has to be made by the entire family. Once the decision to re-enlist is made, the service member may or may not have a choice of orders. If there is a choice, it may not be a choice of places the family members may have hoped to move to. Once again, a major decision has to be made by the entire family as to what is best for the family. This can be a very difficult choice to make. They may have the choice of unaccompanied orders, which means the family will not go with the service member to the new duty station. Some families choose to do this for the extra money, but it is an individual choice for a family as to whether they choose to do this.

Advice and Resources

While there are many stresses in military family life, there are also many benefits. The largest source of support for military families is other military families. “Older” military families can be a large source of information and support for “younger” military families. There are also many military foundations that provide different sorts of support, from information, to financial support.

The best thing a military family can do is assure that they are informed, especially when deployments come around. There may be many issues that arise while a service member is deployed. One of the first things military service member can do is make sure the military member has granted power of attorney to his spouse. This will allow the spouse to act in the service member’s behalf, just as if they were the service member. Some situations require a “special” power of attorney (if the family were going to selling a house, buying a house or making some other large purchase or sale during deployment), and the family will have to decide ahead of time if one might be necessary. The local base legal office should be able to help a family determine what they need. It also helps to remember that it is normal to have some serious bickering immediately before deployment. If this is kept in mind, a family might realize the ulterior motive before an argument begins. Also, realize there is going to be a period of adjustment when the service member returns.

Resources:

· Fleet and Family Support Center: Most bases will have FFSC offices to serve military families. These centers can offer counseling, classes on finances, credit, parenting, etc., career & employment assistance, and other support for military families.

· USO: The USO offers many free activities for military members and their families. They often have free dinners and holiday activities for children.

· Military Outreach Ministries: These resources offer help with food. If a military family finds in a bind, these are programs to help with food.

· Operation Homefront: This program is specifically for families with a deployed service member. They help with many different situations a family may face while their service member is deployed.

· Navy Marine Corps Relief Society: The NMCRS Helps financially. They offer low or no interest loans to military families who find themselves faced with financial difficulties.

· San Diego Armed Serivces YMCA: This YMCA program deals entirely with the military. It offers counseling for military youths, activities for adults, after school care, and many other programs for military families.

· Exceptional Family Member Program: This program is specifically for military families in which a member is disabled either physically or mentally in some way. They offer classes, get-togethers, and assistance in obtaining special needs or care for the disabled family member.

· The Red Cross: The Red Cross has always been a great source of help to military families. They are especially helpful in getting a deployed service member home in an emergency.

· Ombudsman: The ombudsman is the liaison between the military family and a service member’s duty Commanding Officer. The ombudsman can be a great source of information, or just getting word to a deployed service member.

· Family Support Group: Find out if the duty station has a Family Support Group. This is a group of family members from the same duty station that meet to enjoy various fun activities and educational forums. This can be especially helpful while a service member is deployed. During this time, a FSG might work on care packages, special holiday gifts for the service members, and help with the count down to homecoming with half-way parties and such.