Introduction

It happens to almost every new parent. After bring your child home from the hospital, you are treated to three or four consecutive days of paradise. Your new baby sleeps all the time. He or she seems so easy to care for. You are tempted to brag to your friends and family about what a good little sleeper you have. Then it happens. Shaking off the post-natal rust, your child realizes that she has needs, and the vocal cords necessary to let you know about them. From then on, your child seems to be up all night long. Every few minutes, it seems, you are in the baby’s room changing a diaper, preparing a meal or replacing a favorite nook. Yet during the day, when you would like your new arrival to be up and alert, he is sleeping like a log. Though there are good nights and bad nights, you suffer through sleep depravation through much of the first year, maybe longer. Little did you know that, with the exception of the first few months, it is often possible to convince your baby to sleep through the night. Fortunately, after reading this article, you will know how to make sleepless nights for you and your loved ones a thing of the past.

Reality Check

It is important to realize that your infant son or daughter is not going to sleep through the night right away. With a stomach less than the size of a fist, it does not take long for a previous feeding to fade into memory (or for a small bladder to reach capacity for that matter). When you first bring your baby home, she is probably consuming somewhere around two ounces of breast milk or formula per feeding. If you are using bottles at this time, your will notice that you are going through quite a few of them per day. The first few months, however, are a time of tremendous growth for your new baby. Though you can’t see it, his little stomach is growing as fast as his cute little toes. That is good news, since your child should begin drinking more fluid while requiring fewer feedings. Once your baby starts drinking about four ounces at a feeding, there is no reason why you can’t enjoy some serious snooze time at night. Granted, the coveted eight hours of sleep will have to wait a bit. However, stomach and bladder capacity are the building blocks of a good night sleep. The trick is to capitalize on them.

Why Your Child Stays Awake at Night for no Apparent Reason

When my wife and I brought our child home from the hospital, we did everything we could to let her sleep whenever she wanted. If she drifted off during the day, we would turn down the television or radio or move our daughter to her room. If she stayed in the living room while sleeping, we closed the shades so that it would be as dark as possible. After my wife returned to work, I would often take the opportunity to catch a nap while my daughter slept. I even turned the ringer on the phone off and put my cell phone on vibrate so that no noise would disturb my little dozing angel. I knew that my behavior during the day was quite normal. All of the stay-at-home parents that I knew did the same thing. Even a friend of mine with two other children would be sure to separate her older kids from her baby whenever it was time for an impromptu nap. I did not figure out until later that my desire to let my baby sleep was precisely what caused her to remain awake at night.

The womb is a very dark place to live for nine months. It is not surprising then, to find out that children are not born with a very good idea of the difference between night and day. Under these circumstances, it is rather naïve to expect our babies to learn to fall asleep at night on their own. Eventually, they figure it out. However, we often do things as parents that actually make it more difficult for our infants to learn to sleep at night. What follows is a brief discussion of some of the more common mistakes that new parents (and many grizzled veterans) make.

Mistake #1: It’s all about tone

The first mistake that many parents make is that they never change tones when talking to their children. Whether it is noon or midnight, babies hear the same soothing voice from daddy and/or mommy. This is especially the case when we notice are children beginning to drift away into dreamland. The “problem” is that our children are quite smart. If they hear the same intonations during the day as they hear at night, they become convinced that every hour of the day is created equal. It should be not surprise, then that our children do not learn the difference between night and day.

Mistake #2: Our babies dictate our schedule

Its one o’clock in the afternoon and little Suzie has fallen asleep. Most likely, she has just been fed or changed. We instantly stop whatever we are doing and put our child into a comfortable space for their nap. We scratch our plans to vacuum the house for a couple of hours. Then, we turn down the television and maybe put on some soothing music. Once again, day begins to look a lot like night. Think about it, what do you do differently at night? At night, we pick up our children gently, check their diapers, and feed them while humming a soothing tune. It is a small wonder, in this sort of environment, that our children ever learn that the time for sleeping is at night.

Mistake #3: We don’t teach our babies how to soothe themselves

Perhaps I seem a bit cruel. After all, infants are both very vulnerable and very dependent on us to meet their needs. In spite of this, our babies can be quite resourceful if we let them. For example, babies like to put things in their mouths. Yet they take the pacifier out of their mouth, parents tend to guide it right back in again. I used to wake up with my daughter in the middle of the night only to find out that her only wish was that I help her put her pacifier back in her mouth. The problem was that she usually had the pacifier in her hand. In addition, I was so paranoid that my daughter would end up with deformed teeth that I always tried to keep her from putting her fingers in her mouth. Only later did I find out that thumb sucking rarely becomes a problem for children later in life. I can assure you from experience as a father and as a caregiver for other children that the average baby can figure out how to replace their own pacifier at a very early age. We just have to let them.

Two Simple steps to get your Child to Sleep at Night

Step #1: Treat Daytime like Daytime

If you have a child at home, chances are that you have a lot to do during the day. Make sure that you do it whether your child is sleeping or not. This means that if you have to wash the dishes or put them in the dishwasher, don’t worry about being too loud. Once I resolved to teach my daughter the difference between night and day, I would even vacuum while she slept. Far from causing trauma, I now have a five-year-old who loves to help daddy with the vacuuming. That should be incentive enough. If you are watching TV, keep watching and do not turn the volume down. You don’t need to blast the television or radio, but you also don’t need to turn your house into a library. The first few times that you do this, your child may become mildly irritated. That is usually because they are used to sleeping whenever they want. As time goes on, they will begin to associate activity with daytime.

Of course, babies need lots of sleep. A nap from time to time is fine. The point is that only you can teach your baby about what is supposed to happen during the day. When you are doing chores while your child is in her “bouncy seat” tell her what you are doing. Talk in your normal conversational daytime tone of voice. Pretend you are talking to your spouse or a neighbor (even though most of your neighbors probably drool less than your baby). In addition, play with your baby as much as you can. Parenting is challenging, but it is also fun. Babies like to stay awake when they are having fun.

Step #2: Treat nighttime like nighttime

This is the easy part. Take all of that soothing comforting stuff that you were doing during the day and only do it at night. When your baby wakes up at night for a feeding, creep into the room as quietly as possible. Say as little as possible. Change the diaper, feed your baby and leave. The first few times you may have to go back into the room because your child is used to acting just like you do during the day. Eventually, however, they will catch onto the idea that nighttime is when we sleep. If your baby has a mobile above their crib that has to be wound up, do not wind it up again. Otherwise, you will become nothing more than the robot that winds the mobile. If nighttime is boring enough, your child will be more likely to sleep.

During the night, your child will almost always sleep better if he knows how to comfort himself. Work at training your child to put in his or her own pacifier. Teach your baby how to find his fingers and toes. Before you know it, your child will fuss for a couple of minutes (which can seem like an eternity) then fall back to sleep. If your child likes music, play soothing music. However, do not under any circumstances play the same music during the day. If your child needs music for the afternoon nap, use a different CD.

What to do if your Child is in Daycare

After several months at home with my child, it was time for me to go back to work. For many parents, work beckons even sooner. You might think that you have no control over teaching your infant about the difference between day and night once she is in daycare. Fortunately, this is usually not the case. My wife has experience working as a daycare provider in a large capacity daycare center. In the portion of these centers devoted to infants, there is usually a room filled with cribs that is separate from the main room. When a child falls asleep they are often placed in that room. However, I once visited my wife at work and found several partially dozing children in the playroom. They were sitting in “bouncy seats.” When I asked my wife about the difference between sleeping children in cribs and sleeping children in the playroom, she informed me that some parents request that their babies remain in the main room except during the recognized nap time. While there are usually not enough seats to accommodate all of the infants, it does not hurt to ask.

Your Baby Monitor is a Double-edged Sword

In general, baby monitors are great. They give us peace of mind and let us know when our babies need us. However, most monitors are also very sensitive. The slightest cry often sounds several times louder than it really is. As a result, monitors can prevent us from giving our infants some time to try and calm themselves down. Remember, infants are very smart. If they know that you will visit at the first peep, they will not hesitate to peep. If it takes a bit more for you to visit, your child may well turn to one of the soothing methods that you taught them rather than continue to cry. The best advice that I can give is that you should split the difference. Keep the monitor on, but do not turn the volume more than half-way up. This way, every cry does not sound like the end of the world. Chances are that you know which cries are which anyway.

Variety is the Spice of Life

Finally, remember that all children are different. Some children will sleep through the night more quickly than others. In addition, sometimes there is a good reason that your child is waking up at night. One of the great things about having an infant is that you can get professional advice whenever you want it. If your child sleeps poorly, ask you pediatrician about it. Sometimes, there are formula or breast milk issues. My daughter could not tolerate the amount of iron in her original formula. Our pediatrician quickly diagnosed the problem and we switched formula. You should always remember, however, that you can help your child learn to sleep through the night. Once your infant learns the difference between night and day, they will be well on their way toward nighttime bliss.