This is a multifaceted question with many different answers. Men’s primary sexual complaint is erectile dysfunction, which can be easily cured by popping a pill. But female sexuality is much more complicated. It isn’t cut-and-dry; it is a complex blend of physical and emotional factors, and therefore, a lack of desire can often be attributed to several different causes – not just one problem to be fixed.
Relationship Problems
Naturally, you aren’t going to want to be sexually intimate with someone for whom your feelings are only lukewarm. There are many varieties of difficulty in relationships, and any of them can lead to low sexual desire. Maybe it’s simple – your partner isn’t as friendly with a toothbrush as you’d like – or it could be a deeper problem. Regardless of what is causing your declining lust level, good communication is essential in order to resolve the problem. It is important to discuss whatever’s bothering you with your partner. After all, no one can read your mind! Left unresolved, relationship issues will only get worse. Resentments hidden beneath the surface will fester and escalate until they reach the boiling point, and then someday you’ll explode, possibly saying things that could cause lasting hurt – even irreversible damage – to the partnership.
When approaching your partner about an issue that’s been bothering you, you’ll get the best results if you do it in a non-confrontational way. Choose a neutral time, not during an argument. And don’t bombard your partner with the problem as soon as he or she walks in the door from work. Use “I” language rather than “you” language: for example, instead of the accusatory “You always leave the toilet seat up!” you should say, “I’ve been putting the toilet seat down a lot lately, and I don’t like it.” (Hopefully you’re bothered by something a bit less trivial than the toilet seat, but you get the idea.) You may be worried about talking to your partner for fear of hurting their feelings, but trust me on this one: bringing it out in the open will hurt them a lot less in the long run than trying to ignore the problem. You may think that as long as you don’t mention anything, your partner won’t know that something is wrong – but that’s not true. He or she will be able to sense your resentment, and will notice that you’re withholding your affection, and will probably feel rejected without even knowing why.
If you’re nervous about confronting your partner with the troublesome issue, consider relationship or sex therapy. Either one will help both of you to open up and lay your problems out on the table, and you’ll have the help of an unbiased professional.