Turn the Tables Around... What If My Boss Did That?!
After realizing that teens need to be respected by parents, it may help to think about your place of employment. Would we just let it slide if our supervisor criticized the way we dress or the friends we choose? Shouldn't our teenagers be afforded the same respect? If the boss came up and said "I don't want you wearing those black shoes anymore," wouldn't we insist on knowing why and dig our heels in while doing so?
The same holds true for our teenagers. If we can ask a daughter not to wear a shirt we feel isn't right for someone her age to be wearing, or tell a son he needs to be in at 10 p.m., can't we show the respect of telling them why? If the clothing crosses lines of morality you may hold dear or you go to bed at 10 and like knowing that your children are safe and at home, just say that. It won't solve the problems, it won't prevent arguments about those things, and they will still most likely roll their eyes toward the ceiling, but you will have taken a step toward showing respect.
Where Do I Start?
Listen. One of the most important things to do is that simple, just listen. How often did we, as teens, complain that our parents didn't listen?
Offer choices to the teenager. Even the small things, when shown that the opinion matters make a difference. This would include things that will affect the family such as food choices, and possibly decorating choices. Remember that making "house rules" to be followed with never a choice may tend to make a teen feel like a prisoner.
Be flexible when it comes to which choices your teen will be asked to make. Do not compromise safety or morality, but there are surely many choices that can be given to the teen. You may even find that it takes some pressure off of you as a parent with someone else taking over certain kinds of choice making.
If the teen makes a good choice, pulls a grade up, or chooses a great outfit to wear, be sure to mention that. It makes anyone feel great to hear "good choice!" or "good work!" Teens are no different, and one way to show respect is to let them hear these things from you.
Remember that it is just as easy to say words of encouragement at the proper moments as it is to register your shock or displeasure at something the teen has done that you don't approve of.