Ask almost anyone, and they’ll unanimously agree: confidence is sexy. (Confidence, not cockiness or arrogance … there is a difference.) If you aren’t confident, you may come across as needy, insecure and even (gasp!) desperate – a surefire recipe to attract the wrong kind of person. And if you don’t change that about yourself, you’ll fall repeatedly into the same patterns, dating the same schmuck in a different package.
There are many things you shouldn’t fake (we won’t go into details here, but I presume you know at least one of them) but confidence is one thing that, if you feel you’re lacking, is okay to fudge. In fact, pretending that you’re confident can actually help you be more confident. Think about it: if you keep your cool outwardly, nobody can know that on the inside, you’re shaking like a leaf. Start out with baby steps … flash someone a friendly smile or a wave. Keep your chin held high and your posture straight. You don’t have to charge into a room yelling, “The party is here! … Ralphieeee, good to see ya, Baby!” in order to appear self-assured.
Changing your physical appearance can do a lot to boost your self-confidence. We’ve all seen those miraculous makeover shows where the ugly duckling is turned into a swan and cries about how much her life has changed for the better. But there’s only so much you can do to improve your outside. According to Relationship Expert and Life Coach Shari Mindlen, M.B.A., “Rather than buying new clothes, getting a facial, a new haircut or a new car to change your image, do some ‘self’ work on the inside to really make some permanent and effective changes. Fixing the outside is just putting a Band-Aid on your problems. ‘Self’ work creates real solutions and real change in yourself and your behavior. ‘Self’ work means doing some things to increase your self-esteem, improve your self-confidence, give you more self-respect, and have more self-assurance. You need more of these in order to attract emotionally available and emotionally healthy partners and to have a successful, healthy relationship.” Instead of beating themselves up and constantly asking, “What am I doing wrong?” confident people ask themselves what they need to change in order to get what they want. And that is the perfect segue into our next topic …