When I was a child I loved Shirley Temple movies. I watched every movie she
ever made. Now as an adult, I find her annoying, talented, but annoying. I out
grew her. The movies served their purpose. We all go through phases where we
like something, like a song, but then when we overplay it what happens? We
can't stand to hear a note of it. So then why do we think that we never outgrow
relationships? Why is it so hard for us to let go of relationships that are no
longer serving a purpose? I will tell you. People are not movies. There are no
feelings involved if I don't watch a Temple
movie; versus if I have to tell someone that it's time we seek fellowship with
others. Further, some of you feel that you have invested years in some people
just to come out with a reduced dividend. You want that person to fight to keep
that relationship alive, even though you know it is dead.
When do you know you have outgrown a relationship?
You find any excuse to be somewhere else; more hurting than encouraging is taking
place; no one is growing in the relationship, and finally, you stop caring.
These apply to any relationship. People have too much luggage these days, such
that it becomes impossible for anyone else to fit in their life. There are too
many wounds, old lovers, and secrets taking up space. How do you compete with a
ghost? The best thing anyone could ever tell you is to get out before you
destroy each other, or in the end there will be two people who are useless to
anyone. As you go on your self-discovery, some of your friends will not want to
go and may even grow to resent you. Some will just fade away, but others may
try to hurt your journey by belittling you. Much of it is jealousy, but you
know that during certain parts of the journey you are particularly vulnerable.
And what is said could make the difference between continuing and stopping.
Let me tell you this, you cannot change the game mid-game. What? If you were
playing basketball and the other team was winning, could you decide at half
time to play a different game? It would not be allowed because it would cause
confusion. All relationships have their own set of rules. When you change; you
change the game. People are not obligated to follow you on your journey. You
can not demand that people start fulfilling your needs that you have discovered
you are not having met. The way to deal with this is by adding supportive
people to your life; people who will encourage your journey and meet the new
needs you have. You can share your needs with the people already in your life,
but do not judge them if they cannot or will not meet the need. Also, include
the person in your exploration if they are open to it, but make sure you do not
compromise your growth by distractions in order to make other people okay with
you. Use your common sense.