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Handling Sibling Rivalry 
 
by Susie McGee May 23, 2005

Competition

Competition can play a big role in the rivalry between brothers and/or sisters. This competition can be found in several areas including academics, sports, extracurricular activities like music or dance, and even popularity. If a child has an older brother or sister who excelled in any of these areas, she may resent having to grow up in his or her shadow. If this competition persists throughout the years, some children grow up feeling resentful and jealous, and this can cause a rift between siblings that may be hard to fix.

Violence

Some relationships are so full of jealousy, resentment, and even hate that volatile confrontations can become violent. This violence is a sign that there are serious problems that need to be dealt with, and professional counseling may be the only way to find a permanent resolution.

Self-esteem

Destructive behavior can leave emotional scars that may last a lifetime. A child's self-esteem that has suffered repetitive blows may have a hard time recovering. Some children have a more difficult time shrugging off insults, taunts, and criticism from their siblings than other children do. Children who may already be emotionally fragile might have difficulty handling constant conflict, and their bruised self-esteem may follow them into adulthood and other relationships.

Parental Attitude

Parental attitudes can have a huge influence on the severity of sibling rivalry. Obviously, it is impossible to treat each child exactly the same all the time, and parents can drive themselves crazy if they attempt to do this! However, it is very important to be fair and to show impartiality. Parents should never make comparisons between their children or set up circumstances where competition may ensue, causing resentment and hostility.

It is so important to recognize and celebrate the uniqueness of each child. Parents should teach their children how to handle conflict, and one of the best ways to do this is by example. While many people believe children should never witness their parents fighting, a healthy disagreement between adults can teach children a valuable lesson.

Parents should teach their children to treat each other with respect even when conflicts arise. Children should be taught how to express their anger without name calling or ridicule. In addition, parents can help teach their children to manage anger by helping them find the appropriate words to express their emotions.

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