Anytime you start a family, there is a period of adjustment. The first months of your marriage and new step-parenting role will be the hardest. Everyone involved is learning more about each other – house habits, likes and dislikes, discipline ideas, etc. – which can be a lot to digest in such a short time. When faced with this situation, many in a family may lash out or grow impatient with one another, especially step-children. Here are a few phrases you will probably hear:
You are NOT my mother/father!
You are not the boss of me!
I don’t have to listen to what you say!
I don’t like you!
Dad/mom always chooses you over me!
My mom/dad doesn’t like you!
If it weren’t for you, my parents would get back together!
Not so nice, but these statements are how the child feels. Yes, they haven’t given you a chance yet, but you have to earn that chance before anything will change.
To alleviate some of these feelings for the child, your new spouse and you must be a team. Prior to your marriage, sit down and discuss how you two together will handle the following subjects: