Just because you had a discussion with your child before the new situation
came into effect doesn’t mean that life will be all roses when it comes time to
make the change. The real issues present themselves once everyone is under one
roof.
Things like discipline measures, sharing living space, lifestyle
expectations and even something as small as new bedtime rules can turn a
child’s life upside down.
It is very easy for a child to feel pushed aside, ignored and unwanted
during the process of blending a family. In order to alleviate these feelings,
put the following tips to use:
Gather the troops.
Once the new living situation is in place – immediately sit down with
everyone in the house. It is best to do this in the first week or two of coming
into the situation so everyone is on the same page. Since this is the first
family meeting, it may take a little time (2 hours at the most), but you have a
lot to cover. Discuss everything – behavior expectations, discipline, chores,
activity schedules, bed time and more. But don’t just bark out the orders –
keep in mind that this is a forum, so while you bring up each topic have
everyone give feedback. Making these decisions together as a family will help
everyone accept the new changes and help build a strong family foundation. It
shows each family member - especially the children - that you are a team
fighting for a healthy, happy family.
Make one on one time.
In order to know what is going on with your child, you must keep the lines
of communication open. Once closed, then all bets are off and bigger problems
will eventually arise.
Make sure that once a week you have some one on one time with each child.
Ask them about what is going on in their life, how they like or dislike the new
family situation and how they would make it better. They are more likely to
discuss problems they are facing when not in a group setting, so make this time
a priority. If they have any problems, help them work through it. This is a
great way to teach children that through talking and problem solving great
solutions exist.
But don’t make it all about a question and answer period – do something fun.
Go roller skating, fly a kite, catch a movie – something that both of you
enjoy. Just the act of doing something fun together improves the child/parent
bond and builds trust on both parts.
Stand firm in your convictions.
Once the rules have been made and agreed upon, don’t waiver. This is a
parent’s (biological or otherwise) time to show the children of the house that
they mean what they say. Consistency is key to raising a healthy family. If
failing a class means that the child is grounded for two weeks or if talking
back to a parent means an apology – then stick to it. It may be hard to do –
especially when you know that your child is still trying to find their place
within the new family, but if you don’t do it now, you will pay later.
Stand firm together.
If another parent lives in the household, then both parents need to work
together at all times. If one parent isn’t following through with the
discipline or doing what they say they would do, then all the groundwork you
covered is lost. Children aren’t stupid, and if you don’t follow through with
your word, then they will not only take advantage of the situation, but can
very well learn that it’s okay to say one thing and do another.