Be nice to the goober they want to fix you up with

People in the throes of love want everyone to be as blissfully happy as they are. Pretend you believe.

Help your friend go to the bathroom

You’re on duty at the wedding. And your friend is wearing five tons of dress. So, keep this in mind when you tip your champagne flute. If you get drunk then who will hold the cream puff skirt up while she backs into the stall?

Do the chicken dance

Remember, they picked the music. So, don't say, "I hate this song." Also, stay until the reception hall manager kicks you out. Then go to the after-wedding party until the bride and groom go to their suite … finally.

Be amiable. Do what they want you to do. It’s only one night, so even after your feet start to bleed, hang in there. You can ice and bandage them at two, three AM, at the very latest. Plus, they probably gave you a gift for all of your trouble. You spent hundreds of dollars. You spend countless hours. And they gave you a necklace and earrings that'll match the dress you’ll never wear again. (Remember, it’s an honor)

Of course, these tips will keep you in good stead with the couple. In fact, if you follow these guidelines, you may be their only friend. That is, of course, until it’s your turn to get married. So, if you really want to keep friends, when it’s your turn ... elope! Marry in private. Sure, your friends might think they want to be bridesmaids. This might be because they’ve never done it before. So, spare them the agony they put you through and let the wife and daughter of the justice of the peace be your witnesses.