We all want to fit in - but at no age do we
feel more pressure to conform than during adolescence. While students of any age may be adversely
impacted by peer pressure, this problem is particularly acute during the middle
and high school years.
Testing
the Limits: The reasons for peer pressure susceptibility are partly
developmental and partly cultural. As a
child grows and develops into adulthood he constantly tests limits, rules and
expectations. In the teen years, this behavior often is manifested by
allegiance to friends. With the added
pressures to conform to norms as expressed on television, music videos, movies
and advertisements, teens are stretched between conformity to peer standards
and the expectations of adults.
The
tip of the Iceberg: The danger comes when peer pressure becomes an
inappropriate force deterring a student from achievement, compliance with
society’s rules or involves dangerous behaviors such as drugs, alcohol or
casual sex. Missing homework may be just
the tip of the iceberg and thus the first warning flag of trouble.
Honesty
and Trust: The best protections against inappropriate peer pressure are an
open parent-child relationship and to knowing your child’s friends. If your son realizes he can trust you and
bring his friends home, he is less likely to succumb to destructive conformity
away from home. Your daughter’s friends
may dress in a bizarre fashion, but if they feel welcomed into your house they
are less likely to steer her away from her work. To prevent problems:
Know who
your child’s friends are and where they are going.
Invite
your child’s friends into your home; meet their parents. Don’t be judgmental,
but express legitimate concerns to your child.
Set
reasonable rules - and stick to them.
Allow your child to have opportunities to earn your trust.
Be
willing to play the bad guy. Frequently
teens find themselves in over their head with peers, but don’t know how to get
out. Pick a code word, which your child
can use as a signal that they want you to step in and play the heavy. “My Mom
grounded me,” might be the excuse your daughter needs to resist pressure to
ditch her work.
If
problems have already developed, talk to your child. Discuss goals, expectations and privileges to
be earned through compliance with assignments.
Focus on the positive. A teenager is more willing to work for a
privilege, than to avoid a punishment.
Ultimately the goal is a self-motivated learner, so be willing to find
out what it is that will encourage your son to do his work himself.