Don’t always assume all the blame is on the bully’s shoulders. Ask your
child if something else happened that they might not have shared with you. Sometimes
our children may not tell us the whole story and we may think differently when
we understand the whole picture.
Encourage your child to tell you what happened and keep an open mind.
Remember that you are only hearing part of the story. Don’t interrogate your
child; if you ask questions, ask them gently. Try to find out what happened,
who was involved, where and when it happened and if anyone else might have seen
the incident.
Don’t automatically blame the school or accuse someone without knowing all
the facts. It’s our nature as parents to get angry and want the school to do
something right away. But information will need to be gleaned from others and
the school will need to contact the other child and their parents.
Remember that children usually tell parents or teachers as a last resort.
They may have tried everything they could think of on their own and it may be
hard for them to come to an adult. Make sure your child knows you are listening
and you believe him; don’t brush the incident aside or take it lightly. You
will need to help your child decide what to do next and to help them understand
they are not to blame for the actions someone else has taken against them. You
will need to help them regain their self-confidence and let them know they’ve
done the right thing by letting you know what was going on.
Similar to victims of domestic violence, a bully’s victims often believe
that he or she did something to deserve the bullying. If they have been bullied
for a long time, his or her self-esteem may be low. Help build up your child’s
confidence and self-esteem. Help them practice assertive techniques. Role
playing will often help a child learn how to respond in a bullying situation.
Reassure your child that this was not his or her fault. Talk with them about
their feelings and work out solutions to minimize opportunities for the
bullying. Children who are prepared to respond to bullies are children who feel
good about themselves, have a support system and who have solutions in place to
help them deal with whatever comes their way.