Although the first instinctive answer to the accusation of "you're not listening to me!" is usually "yes, I am listening" are you certain about that? We were pretty convinced, and maybe still are, that our own parents weren't truly listening and trying to see our views on matters. Could it in any way be true? Test it. Really listen to your teen and then ask questions and clarify things you aren't sure about.
It has been said that when a child is most unlovable is when he needs love the most. This certainly isn't just true for younger children. It applies to our teens as well. Love and respect are not synonymous, but they are both extremely important. Tell your teen "I love you" and let him or her prove to you that they can be trusted. It will be doing both the teenager and yourself a huge favor. After all, isn't it when someone starts trusting us that we try very hard not to abuse that trust?
Because I Said So? No!
Do not try to close subjects with that old standby and cop-out of "because I said so." It just doesn't work and it touches what was discussed here earlier, that we really need to give reasons for things we request. Fairness plays a big part in respect.
It seems as if things we say to teens are often ignored, but it is not true. They hear us, just as the parent speaking to them remembers things said to them in their teen years. And they remembered. They will pretend they don't hear, but don't let that fool you.
In Closing, and Recap
Remember to listen. A gift of time is often the most precious.
Remember that they don't like hearing the words "Because I said so" any better than we ever liked it.
Remember the horrible feeling in the pit of our stomach when someone said harsh words about us or the friends we chose.
Remember how wonderful words like "great job!" sound to us.
Remember how good a hug feels.
Remember how it felt when we were convinced that our parents didn't understand us and most likely never would.