Have you ever been eating at a table and had someone reach across, between your meal and yourself, to grab the salt? Or how about the child that climbs up on the table to reach past you for more bread? (Or the child that dives into your plate to eat your French fries uninvited!) These are situations that one should never encounter at a meal but are unfortunately very common today. The “Boarding House Reach” is an extremely unpopular trend that is likely to insure that your child is never invited back to little Bobby’s house for dinner. Put simply: don’t do it yourself and don’t let them do it. You should never be in so much of a hurry that you can’t simply say to the person closest to the salt: “Would you pass the salt, please?” (Please don’t forget to say thank you!) "Would you please pass..." is a simple phrase that can be modified for anything at the table that you may need.
When one is asked to pass something, they should do so carefully and involve as many people at the table as are necessary to avoid reaching across another diner. It makes no sense for Mom to be polite and ask to be passed the salt only to have little Jimmy pass the salt right through the gap between Dad’s fork and his mouth! Passing a pitcher or a gravy boat in a way so as to make the handle convenient for the receiver to grab is generally the best way to go. Passing a piping hot gravy boat spout first makes for an awkward pass. When passing a hot dish to someone, it is best to set the dish down on the table near them so as not to have them burn themselves trying to take it out of your hands. (In such cases, a little common sense can go a long way.) Of course, when your children are small, it is best to teach them these lessons by asking them to pass salt, pepper, ketchup or something equally simple. Remember that the best way to teach your child something is to be a good role model. Rather than watching your spouse reach across the table for a dish, simply say “Let me help you with that” and pass them the item they are reaching for and remember to ask them to pass you any item you may need as well. The rule here is simply to model courtesy in order to teach courtesy.