Mean what you say and say what you mean. This is one of the golden rules of parenting. If your child breaks a rule be prepared to follow up with a consequence. If you don’t you are setting yourself up for a constant battle with your children.
This should be a familiar scene. You are in the grocery store stuck in isle seven with a group of shoppers. One such group is a mom and her two children. One child is standing in the middle of the cart throwing everything mom puts in on the floor. The other child is climbing on the shelves. Without saying anything to child one she is putting back in the cart everything he is throwing on the floor. As mom is doing laps around the buggy she is asking in her sweetest voice for little Johnny to stop climbing on the shelves. This is not working so she now threatens a spanking and begins to count to three, all the while still circling the cart. One, two, three and little Johnny is still climbing on the shelves. Mom has her hands full of groceries from the floor and is not even close enough to give Johnny the spanking she promised. Now comes the bribe. “If you please get down from the shelf I will let you pick out a toy.” Little Johnny just heard the magic words he was waiting for and is now down from the shelf. Mom, a little tired from all the laps, proceeds with her shopping thinking everything is ok.
For this mom everything is far from ok. Little Johnny has learned quite a few things from this shopping trip. He now knows that mom is a push over. She does not mean what she says and all he has to do is wait long enough and he will get what he wants.
So, what could mom have done differently? First, she should have changed the tone of her voice. Your kids need to know when you are happy with them and when they have upset you. This is easily done by using a different tone of voice. Notice that I did not say anything about yelling. Instead of using her sweet I just made chocolate cookies voiceshe should have used the “Get down now!” voice. Next, since she said that Johnny would get a spanking at three he should have gotten one. Last, the hardest part. Mom should have taken child one out of the cart and led both he and Johnny out the door and to the car. No one gets a treat, no one gets to act up in public and everyone has to go home.
For most parents disciplining a child in public is a scary and embarrassing thing. What you don’t understand is that is actually looks worse when you don’t discipline.