While you’re young and sewing your wild oats, feeling sexual is no problem. Then you get a “real job. Then you get bills. Then you get a spouse, and kids, and more bills, and soccer practice, and gymnastics lessons, and dinner, and a lawn to mow, and … well, you know. It’s so easy to get bogged down with responsibilities that you don’t often have time for sex. When you can spare a few minutes, you usually opt to catch a nap or watch the latest episode of Desperate Housewives. Sex just isn’t a priority.
To maintain a solid connection (both in and out of the bedroom), it’s as important to make time for your partner as it is to make time for yourself. Sometimes, as mundane as it may seem, scheduling sex is the only way to bring it to the top of your to-do list. Designate a couple of nights per week to make a “date” with your partner. It doesn’t even necessarily have to be a time to do sexual things; just use it to get closer to one another, whether physically or not. Often just making an emotional connection with your partner can lead to a greater desire for a physical connection. Try to schedule an uninterrupted block of time, even if it’s just an hour, to be alone together. This way, you’ll create an environment that invites you to make love if the mood strikes both of you. If you like, you can keep things interesting – and broaden your sexual horizons – by using the time to introduce something new. Read each other erotic stories one evening; try your hand at chocolate body paints the next time. But no pressure, please – if the time frame doesn’t end with both of you sweaty and basking in the post-coital afterglow, that’s perfectly okay. The cardinal rule: you can’t talk about anything that would potentially cause stress or anxiety – the kids, the bills, the way the car keeps cutting out.
Even if you don’t do anything sexual, these scheduled dates are extremely beneficial for the relationship. It’s important to keep your commitment to the date once you’ve set it, though; don’t blow it off for something you may initially perceive as a more pressing matter. Be as devoted to keeping the date as you would a scheduled appointment with a colleague or the doctor.