This one is an important aspect when it comes to finding a mate. The bottom line: in a relationship, you get only what you feel you deserve. If you don’t feel worthy of love, respect, and admiration, you won’t garner any from your partner. It’s hard to love someone who doesn’t love themselves; if you’re down on yourself, then why shouldn’t your mate be down on you as well? And then you’re unhappy because you aren’t getting any respect, and so you figure it must be because you aren’t worthy of it, and your self-esteem goes down the toilet. See the vicious cycle here? This is why it’s crucial to be okay with yourself – so you’ll attract a man who loves you as much as you do.
To start building your self-esteem, first you must forgive yourself for being single. You’ve probably been perceiving it for a long time as some kind of self-inflicted curse, a situation you’ve put yourself in due to your sheer undesirability. This is absolutely, one hundred percent not true! Being single is not something that has happened to you because you’re too (fill in the blanks: boring, unattractive, fat, pimply, etc.), nor is it a calamity – it’s a circumstance, and a temporary one at that, just like having a cold. It may last longer than you want it to, but it’s not going to last forever; our circumstances change all the time.
Forgive yourself for what you do, but never, ever forgive yourself for being who you are. Be proud of the person you have become over the years. There is a lot about you to love. If you have a hard time believing that, prove it to yourself by asking your family and friends what they love about you. You may be surprised – and flattered – by what they have to say. Then, compile a list of the things everyone has said, and read it often. Work on developing those characteristics even further. If there’s an attribute that you feel is missing from the list, see it as an opportunity to build that characteristic or trait rather than just another thing you’re lacking.
Speaking of lists, there’s another self-esteem-boosting list you can make. Each night before you go to bed, make a list of things you’ve done right during the day. It can be comprised of things as simple as resisting a second helping of dessert, or as major as getting a promotion at work. In the morning, look over the previous night’s list. That way, you’ll start every day out with positive affirmations about yourself.
You have to be happy with who you are in order to be happy with anyone else – and to be able to give someone your best.