Now, now, before you go getting all shocked – I’m not saying you should engage in a heavy makeout session with your significant other in front of your child in order to teach a lesson. But parents who are comfortable with their own sexuality, and make no secret that they’re still attracted to each other, have kids that are more likely to be comfortable with their sexuality. Be open with your sexuality from the time your children are very small; they’ll learn to see it as a normal component of a partnership and won’t be so grossed out about it later on. In an interview with About.com, sex educator and author Meg Hickling says, “Children should grow up knowing that sexual activity is a healthy part of a healthy committed relationship, so I’m always saying to parents, ‘For goodness sake, celebrate the fact that you’re still attracted to each other!’ I joke with them and say, ‘The biggest secret in the whole world is that Saturday morning cartoons were invented so parents can have sex.’”
Teach Them More Than Just Mechanics
As we all know, sexuality encompasses much more than the basic physical structures. It has complex emotional and social ties as well, which cannot be ignored. As tempting as it is to just go over the rudimentary “boys have a penis, girls have a vagina” spiel, it is vitally important that you talk about sex in more than just a physical context. Older kids, preteen on up, need to know that sex involves responsibility, respect, and emotion. By discussing all the aspects, your child will have a clearer understanding of the whole picture – not just the physical.
With adolescents, you should outline the process of sex, from dating onward – kids that age can grasp the concept that sex and emotion are often interrelated. Make sure your child knows the consequences of being irresponsible with sex, such as STDs, unplanned pregnancies, and hurt feelings. Let them know that they are responsible for protecting themselves, and teach them their options (condoms, abstinence, etc.).
Let’s be honest: it’s probably never going to be completely easy to talk to your kids about sex. But by using “teachable moments” and being available to answer questions, you can make the process a lot less painless – and give your children a healthier view of sexuality. Maybe by the time they talk to their own children about this delicate subject, they’ll be more comfortable than you were. Then again … maybe not.